


\^^" N^<^^ 



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1 



DAVID V. BVS 



To My Mother 

Without whose determined efforts, 
unflagging zeal and inspiring ex- 
ample, my "Pike's Peak" of Life 
could not have been attained. 



PEACE POEMS 

AND 

SAUSAGES 




By David V. Bush 

Author of 

"Pike's Peak or Bust" 



"I am in favor of world-wide peace, 
Spread this idea and war will cease" 



'I>- 






ro3 



wi 



COPYRIGHT 191B 

BY 
DAVID V. BUSH 



ICI.A397860 



^lAlf -4 1915 



*'And they shall beat their swords 
into plowshares, and their spears 
into pruning hooks ; nation shall 
not lift up sword against nation, 
neither shall they learn war any 



America's Prayer 

God of our fathers who fought for 
aye 

And gave us freedom here ; 
Make us so strong in faith of peace 

There'll be no war to fear. 



Reporter and Farmer Print 
Webster, S. D. 



PREFACE 

Because this is the golden time of all 
ages to create a world wide peace senti- 
ment, the author wrote a few "Peace 
Poems," feeling he would like to do his 
mite in futhering the great Peace move- 
ment. The little edition created interest 
and comment such as the following: "We 
have both read them thru a number 
of times and think they are the best 
'editorial' we have read on the war." 
Another refering to "The Profanity of 
War:" * * "It strikes me as written by a 
man who has been to hell and back 
again." Another: "They speak of a spir- 
it that leads. Keep up the good work." 

Actuated by the desire to serve man- 
kind, no matter how small the service — 
(for the one-talent man is just as respon- 
sible for his efforts as the five) —and en- 
couraged by such comment as above, I 
decided to add more Peace Poems and 
others with a few "Sausages" and send 
forth this volume to the public with the 
hope that International Peace will be a 
reality in this generation. If some one 
is helped to see the "light ;" if a smile is 
smiled or a soul encouraged I shall feel 
that my efforts shall not have been in 
vain. 

David V. Bush 



Table of Contents 



WOMEN AND WAR— AND OTHERS: 

Breed Before You Die 52 

Why Give Birth to Men 55 

The Women Pay The Price 56 

Raise Babies To Kill 60 

The Christ is Near 62 

Soul Language 64 

Her Boy and War 65 

When will the Soldiers Strike? 68 

To Canada 70 

Departing Glory 71 

Has Christianity Failed? 72 

Women on The War Path 135 

Benediction 74 

My Pledge 75 

America's Prayer 11 

PEACE POEMS— (See Women and War): 

Belgium Has Covered Herself With 

Glory 17 

The Handwriting On The Wall 18 

Hell's Turned Loose 20 

Burning The Dead 23 

If Not Burned They Stink 24 

Everybody Rooting For Uncle Sam ... 26 

The Light 27 

The Dying Soldier 29 

It Sickens Us 31 

Little Belgium Don't You Cry 32 

The Profanity of War 36 

Business Men Awake — » 38 



Table of Contents 



The Bravery of Germans 40 

War and Dueling— Mr. Muling 42 

Sink To Death But Be Cool 43 

Down with the War Lords 44 

The Belgian Bread Line 46 

I Live For King and Fatherland 47 

Peace Reformers 49 

The End— International Courts 50 

INSPIRATIONAL POEMS: 

The Successful Man — 83 

There's No Such Thing as Failure ... 85 
Please Don't Stop Kickin' My Name 

Around 86 

Don't Lose Your Goat 88 

I Will 90 

Never Mind The Knocker 91 

Never Say Die 93 

Life's Gethsemane 95 

The Mother Heart 96 

You Can't Keep a Good Man Down ... 97 

The Man who Comes Back 98 

The Way to Win 99 

Where There's a Will There's a Way . 101 

The Manwho's Afraid of the Cars... 102 

Handicapped For Life 103 

Peace Reformers 49 

My Daughter, My Little Maxine 79 

SOCIAL POEMS AND OTHERS; 

Woman Suffrage— Beaten But Not 

Defeated 109 

She Lives on Six Dollars a week 107 

Gossip 112 



Table of Contents 



Babies and Hogs 114 

Babies are not wanted in This Flat — 116 

King Alcohol Bows to Suffragettes — 117 

Good Roads 120 

Wilson's Watchful Waiting 122 

Aberdeen 124 

The Devil's Judgment 125 

Our Boy Goes on Ahead 126 

Capital Pnnishment 128 

Ode to a Landmark 130 

SAUSAGES: 

Life is What We Make it • 133 

Women on the War Path 135 

Why My Wife Left Me 137 

Why I am Single 139 

Suppose 141 

The High Cost of Living 143 

What a Wife Should Expect from Her 

Husband 144 

What a Man Should Expect From His 

Wife 146 

What's wrong with Matrimony 147 

Feed the Brutes 148 

Catching a Morning Train 149 

The Talkative Woman 152 

How to Fight Mosquitoes 154 

A Skylark's Ode to the Ford 155 

Ode to a Powder Rag 156 

Easter • • 158 

Remaking Myself 159 

Determinnayshun 160 



Belgium Has Covered Herself 
With Glory 

Belgium has covered herself with glory ! 

But what about her men? 
No badge or pin ; no battlefield gory 

Can pay for such losses, when 
Her young and brave are shot away ; 
When harvest, horses, cows and hay 
Are gone, and millions to be fed. 
Say, M'hat about her noble dead. 

When you sing the song of glory? 

Belgium has covered herself with glory ! 

But what about her dead ? 
No brilliant, reporter's breezy story 

Can pay for damage done by lead.. 
Her sons are dead, her children moan,. 
Her widows, wives and sisters groan!, 
Six million mouths now to be fed ! 
Say, what about her loyal dead 

When you make the plea of glory? 

Belgium has covered herself with glory! 

But what about her lost? 
It's the same old foolish, dreadful story 

The living pay the cost. 
We bury the dead, our souls are fed 
On sorrow, wormwood, gall and lead! 
A Nation weeps — the curse of guns ! 
Say, what about her murdered sons 

When you pass the cup of glory? 



18 ^eace 5P« 



The Hand Wricing on The Wall 



'* Weighed in the balance and found want- 
ing." That was written long ago. 

Again we see the same repeated ; our war 
lords are bound to go. 

They have ruled the "common people," 
but now those thrones shall fall, 

For this European war is their hand writ- 
ing on the wall. 

Working men, business men, men of rank 
and file 

Had thought on peace, had talked of peace, 
in fact peace was the style, 

When all at once the monarchs quarrelled ; 
but now their thrones shall fall, 

For this European war is their hand writ- 
ing on the wall. 

If we talk peace, that's what we'llhave; 
if war, that's what we get. 

The lords had talked of war and on war 
their minds were set. 

They talked war while men talked peace, 
but now their thrones shall fall. 

For this European war is their hand writ- 
ing on the wall. 



^he ZHand "Writing on CThe "Wall 19 

We'll not think war, we wiU think peace. 
Peace, peace, is what we want, 

And when the common man says peace, to 
the war lords its avaunt. 

So pack your duds and start to go, ye war 
lords one and all. 

For this European war is your hand writ- 
ing on the wall. 

We now[are talking brotherhood, just that 
^m:f[ and not^tne ax. r^gixses^ -^^m 
We are thru with'you, we]^are thru with 

war, with war and its dire tax. 
So pack your trunk and say goodbye, ye 

lords both great and small. 
For this European war is your hand writ- 
ing on the wall. 



20 ^eaee ^o 



Hell's Turned Loose 



"Heavy fighting all along the way ; 
No advance yet gained." But say, 
The "digging in," and the Krupp guns 
Beat the world for killing sons 
Of mothers who gave their life 
That a child might see the light 
Of day, and thus make Belgium a grave 
For her noble sons — her noble brave. 
"Heavy fighting all along the way; 
No advance yet gained." But say, 
"Hell's turned loose ! Say saint and rabble, 
With the war lords leading in the saddle. ' ' 

"Heavy fighting all along the way ; 
No decisive battle won." But say, 
The soldiers slain and money spent 
To satisfy a few ill-sent 
Monarchs by "right Divine-" 
Homes are wrecked and children pine 
For fathers; sons and husbands slain — 
Those loved who'll not return again. 
"Heavy fighting all along the way; 
No decisive battle won." But saj% 
" Heir s turned loose' ' crj- saint and rabble , 
' 'With the war lords leading in the saddle. ' ' 



ZHelt s Uurned Uoose 21 

* 'Heavy fighting all along the way ; 

No victory that counts." But say, 

The slaughter, the stench of human blood, 

The smell of smoke, the cries to God, 

The fields a-f amine, the carnage rank 

As hell — the butcher's tank 

Of bodies burned, of carcasses stiff. 

Of dismembered arms, of souls adrift, 

Of broken legs, of shattered jaws. 

Of mangled forms — God's broken laws — 

Of gun's shrieking cracks, and cannon's 

roar 
Which hiss: "The men will come no 

more." 
The shrapnel screeching ; fire and pillage ; 
All homes are gone in town and village. 
Fathers dead, stinking on the line; 
Sons butchered, bleeding on sands so fine; 
Husbands shot, shelled, knocked to 

pieces ; 
The Nations' prosperity ceases. 
"Heavy fighting all along the way; 
No victory that counts." But say, 
' ' Hell's turned loose' ' cry saint andrabble, 
With the war lords leading in the saddle. ' ' 

"Heavy fighting all along the way ; 
No vantage point gained." But say, 
The'devil dances, smirks and fiddles 



22 ^^ac^ iPoenrs 

While hell fights hell and war riddles 
Man and beast, shop and farm, church and 

school 
And laughs at those who say, "Peace can 

rule." 
"Heavy fighting all along the waj' ; 
No vantage point gained,,' But saj', 
"Hell's turned loose" crj'- saint and rabble, 
' 'With the warlords leading in the saddle. ' ' 

W^h}' not put Christ into the saddle? 
The Christ who loves both saint and rabble, 
The Christ who gave His life for man ; 
The Christ who'll teach us that we can 
Love our enemj' as well as friend, 
Our neighbors as ourselves ; and then 
There'll be no cry of saint and rabble 
That "hell's turned loose and rides the 
saddle." 



23 



Burning The Dead 

('The bodies are burned promptly in 
special furnaces erected just outside of 
Brussells."— News item of the great war.) 

''BLUR ;SWITCH ;CLANG ; BANG ! " 
As we neared the huge human urn, 

Thats how the furnace sang 

As they threw the bodies to burn-. 

"BLUR ;SWITCH; CLANG; BANG! 

Burn ; switch ; clang ; blur ; siz ; bodies 
burn!" 
'Tis one continuous jam, 

As they fill this pitiless urn. 

"Blur; switch; clang; bang;" 

As we neared the huge human urn, 

Thats how the furnace sang 

As they thro wed the bodies to burn. 



24 9^euce ^oems 

If Not Burned They Stink 



"Trains which we call cemetery trains, 
full of pilled up dead soldiers, continue to 
arrive from the front. They contain bun- 
dles of dead; that is, four bodies tied to- 
gether to facilitate transportation. The 
bodies are burned promptly in special 
furnaces erected just outside of Brus- 
sels." News item of the great war. 



Stink ! Stink ! Stink 3-6 noble braves, 
You're going to be burned tonight; 

Ye fell in the fight ; now feed burning 
staves ; 
With no time for a funeral rite. 

Stink, stink, stink, ye who were men,. 

You've been shot and dead too long 
To have any care or thought but when 

Can we burn yo\x — burn without song. 

Stink, stink, stink ye bundles of dead; 

Too many to burn right away; 
We tie you in bundles (like lead) 

And throw you to burn as if ha3\ 

Stink, stink, stink, ye that were sons ; 

Stink on— four' tied in a pack — 
You've been food for bullets, food for guns, 

You've gone where there's no coming 
back 



Jf JTat SSurnefl Jhey Stink 25 

Save tied up in bundles like this. 

Ye who were men and could think 
Are but carion rot where hiss 

The bullets and other men stink. 

Stink, stink stink, ye brawny sons ; 

Stink, stink in bundles of four! 
Stink, stink, stink ye noble ones, 

Stink, stink — tis man's bloody gore. 

That's your reward for being born. 
Stink, stink, stink on till 3''ou burn! 

Our souls aghast ; our heart strings 
torn 
As we think of the field and the urn ! 

Stink, stink, stink that' s what you are for ; 

(That's how the "war devils" feel;) 
Die and stink ; stink and burn ; the sore 

Of your death can never be heeled. 



When in peace will we learn to be? 

No fighting or shelling or forts? 
Why when we get wise, don't you se^ 

And settle disputes in the courts. 



26 ^eace ^oems 



Everybody Rooting For 
Uncle Sam 



"Everybody rooting for Uncle Sam!'* 
He's worth the root and all of that, 

So root on sons of Cain and Ham, 

He's worth the root, you bet your hat. 

Yes, everybody rooting for your Uncle, 
He keeps his head, stays on the job. 

He sues for peace and knows no rumple 
That he cannot stop — our own Nabob. 

Everybody rooting for Uncle Sam. 

Root on and root while he keeps peace, 
And then we'll see other nations can 

Follow suit, and make wars cease. 

So here' s three cheers for Uncle Sam ! 
Three cheers for Sam and three for 
peace ! 
The world "thru hell" sees he's the man 
Who can lead the way and make wars 
cease. 



27 



The Light 

"Civilization has gone to smash ; 

And Christian nations all are dead ; 
The arts and trades are likewise gone"- 

The ruthless result of lead. 

The race of man and his high pursuits 
Will plod on thru the night ; 

For friends of man and foes of Kings, 
Methinksl see alight! 

But for a time our soul is shocked ; 

And man lost out —don't fear — 
From all this blood and bullets thick, 

We'll learn a lesson clear. 

We'll see the end of shot and shell, 
And fields with dreadful sight ; 

I see a solid race of men — 
Thru clouds there is a light. 

The Light is this, O sons of God, 
Tho dark may be the night. 

The time will come when war will end, 
And man no more will fight. 



28 ^eace ^oenjs 

It's dark just now — it always is 

Before the break of daw- n , 
But light will come, and war will go, 

The lords are now in pawn. 

Civilization and all things good, 
They are not gone to smash ; 

Our eyes are blinded for the time, 
And now see but the gash. 

But soon the smoke will blow away 

Though shattered and besmriched 
We'll see another race come on — 

A brotherhood emerge. 
Dark is the way, as we see the way, 

Just now my son of man ; 
But light's the path, we see bej^ond. 

God' 11 end what He began. 

Soon will plowshares and pruning hooks 
From swords and spears be made. 

When this dark night with all its clouds 
Shall from our vision fade. 

And then the Light, lo what a Light — 
To think all wars shall cease! 

The light I see (tho dark the day) 
Is brotherhood andfpeace. 



29 



The Dying Soldier 



i 1 



Hell! It's here! The smell of smoke, 
The cries of dying comrades near, 
The curse of suffering men — war'sjoke — 
Soon I will close my eyes, dear." 

''This wound is like a firebrand. 

I catch my breath ; my head will break ; 
I dare not weep, for I'm a man 

Soon to die for my country's sake." 

''We were told our countr3/^ needed us. 

We thought 'twas true-came with a will ; 
But now we see 'tis a Ruler's fuss, 

And we, the soldiers, pay the bill." 

"What care the Lords of war today 
That I must die. This wound, dear! 

This pain, O God ! How can it be 
That I must suffer, linger here?" 

"Sweetheart, goodby. This stinging pain ! 

I'm — I'm — For God's sake — air ! — air ! 
Help! — air, I say! I beg again! 

For God's sake, help — a-i-r — h-e-l-p! 
So there!" 



30 x^eace ^oems 

Another son for his country's sake 
Lies cold and mute ; lies stiff and black — 

Another mother's heart must ache ; 
A royal lover, will not come back. 

O mothers, fathers, sisters, all 

'Tis not your kindred's, soldier's fault 
That you are weeping for their fall. 

Is it not time that war shall halt? 

**Away with war; let us have peace," 
That is the slogan for this age. 

**And we'll not stop until wars cease, 
So help us, God," say man and sage. 



31 



It Sickens Us 

We are sick of war and warring ; 

We are sick of guns and killing ; 
We are ready now to sue for peace ; 

We are sick of grills and grilling. 

We are sick of scars and scarring ; 

We are sick of bombs and bombing ; 
We are ready now to sheath the sword ; 

We are sick of guns and gunning. 

We are sick of raids and raiding ; 

We are sick of dashes and dashings. 
We are ready now to call a halt ; 

We are sick of crash and crashings. 

We are sick of fire and firing; 

We are sick of shells and shelling ; 
We are ready now to have World Peace ; 

We are sick of hell and helling. 



32 ^ence 2>o 



Little Belgium Don't You Cry 



"To the American women nearly a million 
Belgian mothers have held out their young and 
asked: 'Won't you please help?' "—World's Work, 
Januar>% 1915. 



Our homes are gone, our cows are gone, our 

horses and our men, 
We are starving in brave Belgium, we are dying, 

O please send, 
Flour — just the cheap kind — flour, milk and 

some corn meal. 
Milk for babes whose lives are tender, meal and 

milk — God will remember — 
For mothers' milk is dried or drying, and our 

babes are sick and crying ; 
Hearts are bleeding ; Belgium pleading ; babes 

and mothers nearly dying. 
Just a little of j'our bounty will relieve in town 

and count}', 
God will remember 3'ou were tender with your 

milk and sj^mpathy. 
Our homes were sacked , our treasures packed ; 

our men killed off like bees. 
O America! America! Won't you kindly help 

us, please? 



CittU .*JBe/ffium a)ont Yau Qr^ 33 

We were working, never shirking, when the 
Germans came our way ; 

We had money, milk and honey — then not beg- 
gars ; O, sirs, nay. 

But unexpected shot and shell, all around our 
country fell ; 

Our brave men killed off like cattle ; we were in 
the midst of hell. 

We were beggars, aye sir, beggars, in the twink- 
ling of an eye. 

O America ! America ! Whom God has blessed 
so well, 

Send us bread, our men are dead ; we have not a 
thing to sell. 

Will America, our America, listen to the or- 
phans' plea? 
Yes America, my America, will heed, mine own 

country 
To the pleadings and heart bleedings of poor 

Belgium and her babes. 
Yes, brave Belgium, though all helldom try to 

starve and kill your babes, 
We will share and we will care. We, America 

and her sons 
Whom God blesses, now confesses it's our duty 

to your wee ones. 
So God helping, there'll be less scalping when 

your Uncle Sam steps in. 



34 ^eace iPoe/ns 

And he doth shower milk and flour from his 
overflowing bin. 

So then take heart, we'll do our part, little Bel- 
gium on the strand ! 
For we love you and to woo you is the pride of 

Uncle Sam. 
We are sending, ships are bending toward you 

and your native land, 
And tomorrow you can borrow all you need from 

Uncle Sam. 
When this night, this awful night, shall have 

passed long since away, 
Then brave Belgium, our loved Belgium, shall 

see her ships in the bay, 
And we'll be "pals," our boys and "gals," little 

Belgium, little brave; 
And together we will weather, every mother and 

her babe. 

So wipe your eye, and don't 3'ou cry, little Bel- 
gium by the sea ; 

Your babes shall live while we can give (we'll 
not give grudgingly). 

You're not beggars or bootleggers, like some 
others we can name. 

You're true blue. The likes of you, little Bel- 
gium, never came 

To bless man, and never can, without our love 
and sympathy. 



Cittle Belgium S>on t You Qry 35 

So Uncle Sam and his whole land, you can 
count on, yes sir-ree ! 

Our hats are off, there's not a scoff, to you, 

bravest of the brave, 
In America, our America ; and you helpless we 

will save. 
Should America, our America, not be true and 

kind to you, 
Then would God curse our sod and withdraw 

from us His dew. 
But no danger, little stranger — we remember 

days gone by — 
And we know that what we sow we shall reap, so 

don't you cry. 

Uncle Sam, he is the man, and he's in love with 
the likes of you. 

So wipe your eye and don't you cry, little Bel- 
gium, brave and true; 

We too, do sigh when your babes cry — cry for 
milk and meal and bread. 

We'll be there with every care, since your sons 
and men are dead. 

So wipe your eye and don't you cry, little Bel- 
gium by the sea. 

Your babes shall live while we can give bread, 
milk and sympathy. 



36 x^eace x^oenis 

The Profanity of War 

(A German arniy annihilated -News 
item, December, 1914.) 

Napoleon, when told that his futile at- 
tempt on Moscow had cost him a million 
soldiers, replied: "What care I for the lives 
of a million men?" That sentiment is 
prevalent, very prevalent— prevalent with 
a big P— among the "war devils" today. 



"An entire army shot away! 

Two thousand men or more met death ! ' ^ 
''Bah! What the devil care we," say 

The heartless war lords, under breath. 

"An entire army gone to hell! 

But lead on more, and right away ! 
Forward march ! Take aim! Shell!" 

Say warlords, "and we'll slay and slay" 

"Until the enemy bites the dust, 

And cries and begs — for a truce they 
yell- 

Or God damn 'em we will thrust 
Another bunch to be shot to hell ! " 

"Lead on the old guard, the grenadiers ; 

They've stood for targets many a time; 
They've stood the brunt for many 3'ears, 

But curse 'em, damn 'em; God says 
they're mine!" 



J/ie Profanity of Waf 37 

^'And for me and for kings (yea my sons) 
They must expect to fight, for aye, 

For hell! It's we who bought the guns, 
So on to death, ye fools, today!" 

*'For isn't it we, by 'right divine,' 
Who hold your life? You are our own. 

Then Christ ! go on and with your life sign 
The deed which saves to us our throne. ' ' 

'*So to hell with men and damn 'em too ! 

They're only cattle — the common cur — 
So on with death till the air is blue 

With yells and curses. Profane? Yes, 

sir!" 

"For who can dabble with stinking slain , 
Dead and stinking in pyres array, 

Unless he hardens soul and brain 
And rather curse than pray." 

**So on with the battle ! Damn 'em 1 See ! 

Lead on another bunch, galore! 
For hell, what the devil care we 

If ten thousand armies rot from war ! ' ^ 

When men hear Christ say : "Peace be 
still," 
There'll be no profanitj^ or fear. 
For w^ho can kill, and who can fill 

The air with cursing when Christ is 
near. 



38 'I'eace ^c 



Business Men Awake 

On February 15 the Electric Steel Company of Phil- 
adelphia, Pa., refused to bid on a contract which 
would have netted that compaoy $450,000. The con- 
tract was for one million drop forge shells, wanted 
by the British government to use in warfare. 

Attached to the blue prints returned to the com- 
mission by the company was a note which read: 
"For humanitarian reasons this company 

finds itself obliged to refuse to consider 

the contract." 

Charles E. Bryson, president and general manager 
of the company, said: "Our company refused to 
consider this contract because we don't think warring 
nations should be encouraged. As long as they are 
able to purshase supplies of this nature the war will 
continue." 



If business men would say the word, 
Not counting sage and bakers. 

Just BUSINESS MEN, could sheath the 
sword 
And stop these war men-fakirs. 

Just think of it, the business man ! 

Could put a stop to fighting! 
No need of others in this land 

To send the war lords kiting. 



^Business ^Hen ^^ivake 39 

But let us add to business men 

A few from trades and art. 
And see how quick it all would end, 

If MANKIND but did their part. 

Awake ye men, ye busines men! 

Awake '*ye men of Athens! " 
Awake ye men in town and glen 

Awake and see what happens! 

Yes business men can stop this rage! 

Then do not wait for others, 
And write it large on history's page. 

Ye are mankind's real lovers. 



40 ^eac^ ^o 



The Bravery of Germans 



"Heaps of 'dead Germans, victims of a series of 
relentless and bloody charges against the Allies' 
trenches this morning, form the Kaiser's birthday 
present. The soldiers repeatedly charged, but were 
repulsed in the vicinity of Rheims and Craonne. The 
fighting along the wooded heights west of Craonne 
was most furious. They're desperate infantry charges 
followed, the Germans singing patriotic songs on ac- 
count of the Kaiser's birthday. He was 59 years old." 
—News item. 



The Kaiser's birthday — a present they'll give — 
That's the way of the Germans so true! 

"Three cheers for the day and long may he live. 
And now for our present to 3'ou." 

"We'll fight and we'll kill, and seize vantage 
ground 
And add to your kingdom some land — 
That'll be our great present; prepare! trumpets 
sound ! 
With our blood we will soak up the sand." 

"One repulse isn't much! On again to the fray! 

Twice beaten isn't worth counting lost! 
Again we march on — keep it up all the day — 

With heaps of dead Germans the cost." 



C/he SSravery of Gerntans 41 

^*A present to you our ruler and lord! 

March on to the bugler's shrill call! 
Another attack with powder and sword — 

And heaps of dead Germans that fall." 

**'Tis your birthday today ; we want to be true, 
We know you will smile if we win ; 

So blow, bugle, blow! march on! say adieu 
For heaps of dead Germans 's no sin" 

''When a birthday rolls 'round for the Kaiser, 
So fill up the ranks! Charge! the air blue! 

With life no German's a miser; 

So we heap up dead Germans for you." 

''When night falls, defeated and tired! 

Each German, a German clear through ; 
We did all we could — under shell and in fire 

To present a nice present to 3'ou." 

On your fifty-ninth birthday, O king, 
Camped by heaps of the dead, so true! 

We did all we could, a victory to bring — 
We heaped up dead Germans for you. 



42 ^eaee ^oems 

War and Dueling— Mr. Muling 

Whats the difference between war and 
dueling? 
You might ask pop or Mr. Muling. 
And they would say, without delay 
Not a thing dear, Mr. Muling. 

Then why have no wars as we have no 
dueling? 
Is that not logical and sane? 
So answer please — you're not at ease — 
What say you, Mr. Muling? 

If it's a disgrace — this curse of dueling — 
No longer thought, it's quite the thing, 
Then on its face, is war not a disgrace? 
What say you, Mr. Muling? 

Why not deal with war, as we deal with 
dueling, 
Call it part of a bygone age 
And put a stop to such ancient rot. 
And quit both war and dueling? 

I see my friend 3-ou too would end 
This foolish, hellish fighting. 

Even you would dump, all in a lump 
And send war lords a-kiting. 



43 

Sink To Death But Be Cool 



"The other day, when the British dreadnaught 
Formidable went down in a storm, crushed Hke an 
eggshell by torpedoes or mines, her Captain Lox- 
ley, was on the bridge as she sank; and his last 
words were: 'Steady men; it's all right; keep cool; 
do not get in a panic; be British."— News item. 

Steady ye men, it's all right, the times say it's so ; 

Go down to your death like the braves ; 
Steady men, it's all right, be sure not to show 

Any emotion, as ye sink in the waves. 

Keep cool, ye brave ones, you're going to death ; 

The times called a war — the worst of all crimes- 
Keep cool, ye brave ones, you'll soon lose your 
breath. 

For it's the fate of a man of our times. 

Ye brave ones, do not ye get in a panic ; 

It's all right, there, steady ye men and keep 
cool ; 
You'll soon gasp for life, then like the Titanic 

You'll be swallowed in the ocean's great pool. 

To enlist as a fighter and learn how to kill. 
Is the training your times taught men of all 
creeds, 

But rest ye in this, as ye sink stiff and still. 
The future will change the bravery of deeds. 

'Twill not be the slayer; 'twill be the life giver 

And the race benefactors who 're braves, 
They'll frown on all bullets and shelling that 
shiver 

And riddle, and call him the greatest who saves . 



44 ^eace ^c 



Down with The War Lords 



'* Another cruiser sunk today" 
*'Down with the bloody Rulers! " say 
Men and women — the cry shall last — 
* 'We're through with such ; their die is 

cast," 
Because we read, lay upon lay, 
''Another cruiser sunk toda3^" 

"Another cruiser sunk today." 
She sailed o'er a mine in Chili's bay. 
When shock! shock! "What is that? 
A bomb's set off; the ship's a-crack, 
The work is done; the ship's aleak — 
No use to cry, no use to speak 
Of saving lives or wiring home, 
Two thousand men beneath the foam 
Will sleep tonight in a watery grave, 
Because man kills man, to pave 
The future way with debt on debt 
For posterity to pa}^, and yet 
A second generation will still 
Be bound by shackles of the bill 
Of war, contracted through race fear, 
And false conception of what is dear. 



S)otvn yyitA Jke War Qords 45 

*' Another cruiser sunk today." 

It's just a tale of war, we say ; 

Another cruiser with all her men 

To die ; but that's not all, for then 

The groans and cries, the shrieks and 

moans 
Of wives and mothers ; the ruined 

homes, 
Because another ship they say. 
Was sunk, and all men lost, today. 

"Another cruiser sunk today." 
When will this stop? O war, away! 
Down with the rulers, one and all. 
Who rule to fight ; their men to call 
''To arm! " for their own lust or hate 
Or fame or glory, their names to make. 

''Another cruiser sunk today." 
Down with the tyrant's awful sway 
Of power to wield for weal or woe 
When once they say who is their foe! 

"Another cruiser sunk today." 
"Down with the bloody Rulers!" say 
Women and men — the cry shall last — 
"We're through with such ; their die is 

cast," 
Because we read lay upon lay, 
^'Another cruiser sunk today." 



46 ^eace ^o 



The Belgian Bread Line 

"Belgium is one long bread line of starving men 
women and children, clamoring for a single ra- 
tion of bread and soup."— Theo. Waters, secre- 
tary of The Christian Herald. 



**Soup, Bread. O please sirs," they said, 

*'Give back our husbands, sons — our dead, 

And we'd not ask for soup and bread." 

In Brussels they begged for soup and bread, 
"Give back our husbands, sons — our dead — 
And we'd not ask for soup and bread." 

In Antwerp they cry for soup and bread. 
Give back their husbands, sons — their dead — 
And they'd not ask for soup or bread. 

All Belgium moans for food, for bread, 
"Graves everywhere ; our sons are dead ; 
Give back our men and keep your bread." 

O God! God, who the Patriarchs led. 
Let men know Christ who is not dead. 
And they'd not cry for soup or bread. 



47 

"I Live For The King and 
Fatherland" 

The war is on; the peace is gone*, 
We'll live in hell, while Monarchs' sell 

Soldiers for the fatherland. 
So begin to sing, let bugles ring, 
While soldiers die, and nations sigh 

For kings and their fatherland. 

In trenches wet, we are beset 

With cannon's shell and Sherman's hell 

So soldiers take your stand. 
But what care I, if I must die? 
That' s what we say ; kings have their way. 

The kings of j^our fatherland. 

When I ''cash in" that God sent king 
Will yell and cry for more to die 

For him and his fatherland. 
When we are dead, and vultures fed 
On sons of men — but pshaw, what then? 

It's soldiers take your stand. 

I go to fight and think it's right 
For people sing, it is the thing 

To give my head, my heart, mj' hand. 
The Kaiser at ease sips wine, eats cheese, 
And sucks his pipe; sends me to fight 

For him and his fatherland. 



48 U^ent-e ^l^ue/ns 

And when I die and family sigh 
What cares he for my famil}^? 

The Kaiser of my fatherland. 
A soldiers dies; he's burned like flies; 
Or rots and stinks, while the Kaiser thinks 

We should fight for our fatherland. 

I'm only one, a country's son. 
Whose bred to be of the soldiery. 

Ye soldiers take your stand. 
So begin to sing, let bugles ring. 
When shot to hell, your kids can 3^ell 

For all of the Kaiser of 3^ourland. 

What cares he, for you or me? 
We're only fools to keep his rules 

(So soldiers take your stand) 
To be shot to hell while demons j^ell 
And he smirks by, while women cry 

For you and your fatherland. 



49 



Peace Reformers 



Each great reform must have its men, 
Those who have mighty power; 

No weakling ever led the ranks, 

When hard the way and dark the hour. 

We honor men and 'plaud them too 
Who bear the thickest of the brunt, 

The ones with souls and courage strong ; 
Aye strong enough to bear the blunt. 

To those who brave the storm and stress 

Of reforms no matter what, 
The world owes all her song and praise,. 

But sometimes they are forgot. 

Let us not cease to do our best, 

No matter the price or cost 
When duty calls or times demand, 

Altho our cause is lost. 

It may be lost in our short day, 

But if the cause is right. 
Long after we are mouldering dead. 

The "blind shall have their sight." 

Be not dismayed who lead the ranks. 

If beaten ye are today, 
If ye are cursed and oft misjudged. 

Your cause shall win some day. 



50 a^eace ^oems 

The End— International Courts 



When tliis war is over — believe me my friend — 
There'll be blood enough spilt for an age; 

And so, heartsick and faint from blood and its 
taint, 
Make a new historical page. 

That page will be — believe me my friend — 

That peace is far better than war ; 
And affirming for peace, all wars will then cease, 

And we'll settle disputes at the bar. 

When this war is over — believe me my friend — 
We'll have small need for navies and forts; 

For bankrupt and heartsick — man's torn to the 
quick — 
We'll be glad to have treaties and courts. 

When this war is over — believe me my friend — 

Our minds on peace and its fruits 
Will be established for aye, and no one will say 

There is glory in soldiers and suits. 

When this war is over — believe me my friend — 
We've had so much horror and fright — 

So much to disgust, we'll be glad to be just, 
Love all nations and cut out the fight. 

When this war is over — believe me my friend — 
Let us go in for commerce and art; 

Cease battlefields gory and war lies so hoary — 
As for peace, we will all do our part. 



WOMEN AND WAR 

And Something Else 



52 ^eace ^o 



"Breed Before You Die" 



The European governments are encour- 
aging their soldiers to marry and "breed 
before they die." 



The war is on, we'll need more men, 

So breed before you die. 
Go to the front, enlist, but then, 

Breed before you die. 
When you are dead, we'll need more men, 

So breed before you die. 
The son you breed can breed and die, then 

Breed before you die. 

So populate the universe, 

Ye men who breed and die. 
So that your sons can fight and curse 

And breed before they die. 
You may not get another chance 

To breed before you die. 
So wade right in, shout, sing and dance 

And breed before you die. 

If an arm blown off and shot away, 

You've bred before you die. 
The Kaiser thinks that is your pay 

For breeding before you die. 



SBreed SBefore You 3)ie 53 

If you come back a mortal wreck, 

He let you breed to die, 
The Kaiser, he won't care a peck, 

He let you breed to die. 

We need more men; we need more men, 

Breed before you die. 
Go find a nice young girl and then 

Breed before you die. 
So you will have still more men made 

To breed before they die, 
If your young widow has a babe, 

So breed before you die. 

Go breed in cornfield, bed or maze, 

Go breed before you die. 
Leave your babe for her to raise. 

To breed before you die. 
When you are dead, dead as a cur, 

(Breed before you die) 
They'll say what childish fools you were 

To breed and then to die. 

It is great, this command to breed, 

To breed before you die. 
Your widow has a babe to feed 

So breed before you die. 
So when you're shot and rotting dead 

Breed before you die. 
Your wife and child can have it said 

You bred before you died. 



54 ^eace ^oems 

You'll never see your orphan son, 

Who breeds before he dies. 
The war goes on which you (?) begun 

So breed, breed on like flies. 
So when that son is rotten dead, 

(He'll breed and then he'll die) 
You can have the honor (?) said, 

He too was bred to die. 

And so the endless chain goes on. 

To breed and then to die. 
So your son' s son and wife' s young son, 

Will breed and then they'll die. 
Breed on, breed on, breed on like flies. 

Breed before you die, 
For Europe's soldiery dies. 

Breed on like cats, and die. 



55 

Why Give Ye Birth To Men? 



For what do women give birth to men? 
Judging by war lords — expressly for them. 
Napoleon told a woman to go and conceive! 
France needed more men, so he really believed I 
Judging by history that' s what they believe — 
Women are put here for them to conceive. 

Taxes are raised to feed armies and guns; 
Then a bugler is sent to call womens' sons 
To die for "their country" — in moor or in fen — 
That' s the reason O women, ye give birth to men. 
Judging by history that's what they believe, 
Women are on earth — for them to conceive.. 
Why keep on giving birth to men? 
If they are but cattle for rulers to send 
As targets, to fight their useless battles? 
Arise and remonstrate, until the dome rattles 
And thunders and roars and men stop the scourge ! 
It's much in your power — then peace do ye urge. 

War lords and rulers take great delight 
In war's preparations, in carnage and fight. 
But women should say "ah[nay" and stick to it, 
And say to your boys "as for war, nothing to it." 
And then you will see if war lords believe. 
That women are only born to conceive. 



56 ^J^eaee ^'o^ms 

The Woment Pay The Price 



"Already they are talking of poligamy in Europe 
to populate the waste countries." News Item. 

We have spoken largely of mothers affected by the 
war. Think of the women upon whom war enforces 
unwilling motherhood. War makes many mothers. 
But under what circumstances? Is it by scientific 
breeding? Think of the babies recently born in the 
Balkan Peninsula, of mothers the victims of violence. 
Read the Report of the International Commission 
which inquired into t*^*? causes and conduct of the 
Balkan wars and sec how wars make mothers. Of 
the present war we have yet a few reliable reports. 
But imagine millions of virile men away from the re- 
straints of home, of family, of church, even of civil 
law, marching through villages and cities and towns, 
believing, many of them, that in war lawlessness is 
law, that opponents have few rights, that resistance 
justifies revenge, and do we need reports to tell us of 
the terrible results? Even in times of peace large 
numbers of soldiers m any country are a menace to 
womanhood. So much is this the case, that in India, 
for example, the military authorites have deemed it 
necessary at times to provide inspected army brothels, 
and grave English dispatches have included requisi- 
tions for women attractive and healthy. In war 
times there need be no such provision; the conquered 
villages and cities supply the demand. This is what 
war means to hundreds of thousands of women. — 
"Gospel of the Kingdom." 

**Wars make many mothers,'"' and many are tlie 

ways ; 
Not scientific breeding ; it is too slow, it never pays 
When war is on and coming, to try to breed the 

race 



Jke Women 5?ay Jke ^rice 57 

Except for speed and numbers— trying to keep 
pace 

With those both killed and mangled — their suc- 
cessors to breed. 

If prospective, careful mothers are starving with 
aught to feed 

Their babes and crying children, that matters not, 
"my lord," 

So long as babes keep coming to drill with 
gun and sword. 

It matters not if babes and mothers are left be- 
hind in woe; 

It matters not if trials and cares are lodged in 
their sore throe; 

It matters not if men are killed — their sorrows 
gone forever — 

And the women left behind to keep these homes 
together ; 

It matters not if women bend their back and 
spoil their form ; 

With work and tears, with pain and care, so long 
as sons are born 

To live in filth and misery; in want and woeful care 

**They're only women born to breed" — this the 
war lords call their share. 

Perchance the wife's dear mate is killed or wound- 
ed unto death, 

And she with four or twenty babes to keep and 
care for, yet 



58 ^eace ^i 



'eace jtroems 



The state will pass a hellish law for man to 

have four wives 
So she (altho her love is dead) can breed for the 

state more lives 
So they can live a wee short while ; be trained 

with gun and sword 
And taught the awful ways of war — to die, to rot 

in war — 
While she weeps on, works unto death and gives 

her sexual fate 
To men who have unnumbered wives to repopu- 

late the state. 

This awful scourge makes many mothers and 

some are made in haste; 
The men are killed and thinning out, more men 

must take their place. 
So the nations see a law put forth for men to 

mate and breed. 
Then leave their new won bride behind to nourish 

his base seed 
Until! the babe comes into life and she the cares 

to bear, 
While he lies rotten on a field or burning on a 

pyre. 
Aye, many's the mother made by war and she has 

not her say; 
The war demands more food for guns and she 

must but obey. 



J/te ypo/fierr ^€iy Jhe ^rice 59 

Sometimes the land is over run by soldiers along^ 

the Rhine, 
No men are there to watch the fate of the women 

they left behind ; 
As men must breed no matter how, or where the 

time or place, 
The women are forced by the stronger hand to 

populate the race! 
Yes women of this land of ours and women of all 

the world 
Your part has ever been (no matter by love or 

churl) 
To see that men are born to fight ; to feed the 

war lords' lust, 
Tho your hearts bleed and souls aghast, they say, 

"ye mothers must." 

But must you mothers of ilie racf, continue thus 
to do, 

When after all, YOU pay the price; the suffer- 
ing falls on you. 

Why must you subjugate yourselves to insults 
and to death 

Because the war lords need more men to strangle 
out of breath.^ 

And when they're dead, you're called again to 
the function of a beast 

To populate the universe — why not now call for 
peace } 

So let your "party of world peace" move on 
majestically 

Uutill all wars are wiped from earth; from pole 
and sea to sea. 



60 ^eace 9?c 



Raise Babies To Kill 



The Nations ''cry, our Babies die, 

Send milk to save us pain!" 
But we ask in turn, *'why save the child?' ^ 

Save, save them, to be slain. 
"Why save the child from dying now 

And cause distress and pain 
To widows and 'Xittle Mothers?" 

Why save them to be slain ! 

Men today in battle gray 

Cannot be replaced by daughter ; 
We need men to take their places ; 

So save the babes for slaughter ! 
Why tax each nerve — never swerve 

To watch the babe in sun or rain? 
Why ! widows and little mothers 

Just save them to be slain ! 

Rulers of men, now and then 

Have troubles — so it's been willed — 
They call for youths to volunteer ; 

So feed and keep them to be killed 1 
So watch the baby tenderly, 

See that he has milk (or swill) 
Most anything so he can grow. 

Grow to manhood and to kill. 



Sflaise £Ba/ ies ^o jK,iH 61 

That's why we care, with the best fare, 

For baby — our Dave or Will — 
We give them birth and rear them up 

For the army and to kill. 
The babes we do our best to save, 

Today grows up — our baby Bill — 
Grows up to be the pride of home — 

But the end is, but to kill. 

So mothers give ye birth to babes 

And in your agonizing pain 
Do all you can to bring them up 

To youth and manhood to be slain. 
While fighting lords, with their vast 
hordes. 

Need more soldiers at their will ; 
Give birth to babes and care for them, 

And see that they are raised to kill. 

When we say, je war lords nay, 

Our babes are at our will ; 
We give them birth, we raise them up 

To live ! To live ! and not to kill. 
Then there will be, no misery. 

On battlefield or hill, 
The war will cease, for we will sa}^, 

"We have no men to kill." 



62 ^eace iPc 



The Christ Is Near 



Two men fought till their strength was 

gone ; 
Two men fought and when were done 
Sore wounds to bind and racking pain^ 
And when they're well they'll fight again. 
The cry went up '*the Christ is near." 
They heard not and said, He's not here,'^ 

Two brothers hated with a vim 
Which soiled their souls, did such a sin ; 
When friends begged them to be at rest 
They renewed it with a bitter zest. 
The cry went up, "the Christ is near." 
They heard not; hate said, "He is not 
here." 

Two men envied the other's fame; 
They sought revenge — it never came — 
But all the days of all their life 
Was spent in bitter, wasted strife. 
The cry went up, "the Christ is near." 
They heard not; envy said, "not here."^ 



Jhe Qhrlst is J^emr 63 

The war lords thought on lust and war ; 
They thought and thought on lust galore 
Until the earth is red with blood, 
Mankind cries: "stop this human flood." 
The cry goes up, the Christ is near." 
Then look, O world, and see him here. 

And then 'tis death to lust and war; 
Then we'll have hate and lust no more, 
At last man comes into his own 
And ceases hate and war, for home. 
So when we cry, "the Christ is near." 
We'll know and see and feel him here. 



64 ^eaee ^c 



Soul Language 

A million souls on the way to heaven, 
Cramming homeward thru the sky ; 

Here on earth they fought each other, 
But are one when they come to die. 

Here the nations fight and slaughter, 
See the murdered soldiers lie ! 

Here they hate (this racial instinct) 
But are one when they come to die. 

Souls and spirits flying homeward. 
Arm in arm to join on high. 

Souls of men and soldiers singing — 
All are one when they come to die. 



65 



Her Boy And War 

Twenty years ago — seems but a day — 

My baby came to earth. 
No heart it seemed was better blest 

When I gave m}' laddie birth. 
Soon he could talk, O yes 'twas soon, 

Saj' "da-da" and ''mama," too; 
And then what romps and joys we had- 

Life's joys at best are few. 

Soon could he walk — for mind you well- 

The time sped quickly past, 
And first we knew our baby boy 

Had gone to school at last. 
From school, our boy, our baby lad, 

Came romping into home 
And told of all the fun and sport — 

Romp out, and I alone. 

Alone! Ah yes, but he was here. 
I knew he would return ; 

Night would find him home again 
With all his lessons learned. 

Swiftly the years — O those swift years- 
Sped by, he was a man ; 

I say a man — how proud he was — 
So swift the seasons ran. 



t)b ^eace jPoems 

Then like a flash the bugles called ; 

My son, my little boy 
To serve his native land you see, 

Volunteered with childish joy. 

I thought my heart would burst right 
there, 

When he all spick and span 
Stood as a soldier in the ranks — 

My boy so soon a man. 

He waved goodby — my son was gone! 

Should I not see him more? 
He smiled to me then marched away, 

He had gone, my boy, to war ! 
The time — O what an anxious time — 

Sped on and letters came ; 
But all the while there was a void 

I never could explain. 
It seemed as though to death I went 

Each time a message came ; 
My baby boy, my pride and joy, 

Was now my care and pain. 
Then letters missed — no message came — 

I knew — God, could it be! — 
I dared not think ; I only prayed 

And asked for light to see. 
Then came a friend — there up the lane — 

With head bent low and sad ; 
I saw at once the worst was nigh, 

"What news of John, my lad?" 



ZHer Sooy anel nar 67 

My baby boy, my little lad, 

The baby I love, my son! 
I never dreamed I gave him life 

To be killed by sword or gun! 

We'll never meet again on earth I 

But still I must be calm! 
They burned him on a soldier's pyre 

And that the end of John! 
I offered up my life for him ; 

I nourished him with care ; 
I love as only a mother can ; 

The end — a furnace there! 

I sit alone and wonder why 

We can't our troubles mend 
Without this cruel unholy war 

That kills our sons, our men! 
Why must we women give our sons 

To fight for ruling men 
Who could if they but wanted to 

Adjust affairs by pen? 

I pray my God to give me strength 

To forgive and not to curse 
The ones who tore my boy away, 

And brought about the worst. 
I pray for more than just for me ; 

I'll soon join my loved ones ; 
O God, let war soon pass away 

So mothers can keep their sons. 



68 9.^eace 5?>« 



When Will The Soldiers Strike? 



There cau be no war when men won't fight ; 

When will the soldiers strike? 
If rulers fuss and disagree, and cannot see 

the right, 
And set they are on forcing men to see 

that black is white ; 
Why don't we let them fight it out? 
Let them go to it. bout for bout, 
And fight and sla}' and curse and shout. 

When will the soldiers strike? 

There can be no war when men won't fight? 

When will the soldiers strike? 
They have their homes and families which 

is their soul's delight. 
Their children there and home so sweet 

and everything so bright ; 
There's \Wy to meet 3'ou with a coo, 
And say "da-da" and "is dat 00?" 
A wife to greet and fond adieu. 
When will the soldiers strike? 



WAen Will Jhe SoUiers Strike? 69 

There can be no war when men won't fight ; 

When will the soldiers strike? 
If rulers fuss and disagree, and cannot see 

the right, 
And set they are on forcing men to see 

that black is white. 
Why don't we let THEM fight it out? 
Let them go to it, bout for bout, 
And fight and slay and curse and shout. 
When will the soldiers strike? 



70 ^eace ^c 



To Canada 

Celebrating the one hundred years of peace 
between England and the United States. 



In time of peace, prepare for peace, 

Thus eliminate war ; 
If on peace we have a lease, 

We need but courts and bar. 

Our Uncle Sam in time of peace 

And Canada so fair 
Made peace the slogan (with what ease) ^ 

A hundred years so rare. 

What we have done to keep the peace, 

All nations too can do ; 
Now all the world can make war cease 

As Uncle Sam and you. 

O may the world then promenade 

In such a life long lease ! 
Long may our sister Canada 

And Uncle Sam have peace! 



71 

Departing Glory 

"The glory of war is gone; the war has no 
defenders."— David Star Jordan. 

Yes, war has no defenders, 

The glory of war is gone ; 
Let's deal with one another 

Without the war-knell's gong. 

The bugle's screech and martial air. 
Brass buttons and marching tread. 

Epaulets and fancy braid- 
Let's think of them as dead. 

Brute force is cruel— it's hellish— 
And so is soldiers' tread ; 

Likewise the camps and warship- 
Let's think of these as dead. 

The honor won by killing men 
Is false— let that be said— 

And emphasize man's service now, 
And think of war as dead. 

Life is worth far more than hate. 
And "glory" that comes with lead 

Is far too costly in these days- 
Let's think of war as dead. 

Yea, war has no defenders, 
The "glory" of war is past. 

This be our everlasting song, 
While man and earth shall last. 



72 9>eace 2>o 



Has Christianity Failed 

You say Christianity has failed! 

But friend, it has never been tried. 
We have talked, and yea we have prayed, 

But many's the time we have lied. 
We have said we love, as God loves — 

Our friends as well as our foes ; 
But like the sinner of Christ's time 

He could scath us too with his *'woes." 

We have claimed to be Christian and kind, 

But in part, we have lived the truth ; 
And only a part, O ye men, 

And more like heathens, forsooth. 
We say we are Christian, and then 

We live without Christ ; He is veiled ; 
So we fail in our acts and our deeds, 

And then say it is Christ who has failed. 

Why say Christianity has failed, 

When it has never been tried ; 
Why call the Master a failure, 

When we've put His teachings aside? 
When the Christ is lived as he should, 

His religion is Christ and not creeds, 
We shall see no failure like war 

To blot the record of deeds. 



ZHaa Qhristianify %^alletl 73 

'Tis the lack of Christ which has failed, 

And not Christ of Calvary's cross ; 
'Tis the lack of Christian instruction 

That records today our great loss. 
O 'tis not the Christ who has failed, 

Nay, brother, not Christ and His way, 
'Tis the spirit of mortals instead 

Which has held mankind in its sway. 

When the Christ is lived thru and thru, 

No war can our record disgrace, 
For Christ is the one Prince of Peace, 

He then will have the first place. 
So let us not blame this loved One, 

The Christ, our dear lov«r of man ; 
But rather, O brother, blame someone 

Who has mistaught this Lover of Man. 



74 fPtac, a 



Mmthutxon 



O God of Heaven — of man and beast — 
Teach me to see the Light, 

And sound the knell from west to east 
To have no war or fight. 

O God, should I not do my share 
In this great day of sword and hate 

To bring about a world wide peace — 
Then God forgive this sin so great 



MY PLEDGE 



I here desire to give my pleadge 
To do my best for peace ; 

So help me, God, to do my part 
To make all wars to cease. 



My Daughter, My 
Little Maxine 



79 

My Daughter, My Little Maxine 



There are days that are dark and gloomy ; 

There are times when the sun is not seen ; 
But there's one who can always inspire me, 

And that's my daughter, Maxine. 

Should I think life's work is a failure 
And results are not what I ween, 

There comes to my rescue a smiler, 
And that's my daughter, Maxine. 

Have things gone wrong and all twisted ; 

Are times out of joint — not a beam 
Of sunshine to light the dark roadway, 

Then I hear my daughter, Maxine 

Creep up to my chair — O the darling! — 
And put her sweet face close to mine 

And whisper, "just never mind, papa, 
You're the best; you're simply just fine." 

If it's preacher, writer or father. 

It's the same to my daughter so keen ; 

No troubles, no sorrows, nor worries 
Shake the faith of my daughter Maxine 

Do friends misunderstand and then shun me ; 

Are critics severe and show spleen ; 
Do people misjudge and condemn me ; 

It's all the same to Maxine. 



80 ^eaee S^ae»,s 

She has faith and pride in her father ; 

She has love and caresses, all seen ; 
She has confidence strong as Gibralter — 

My daughter, my little Maxine. 

Though all earth should endeavor to down me ; 

Though all foes my character screen ; 
I know there is one believes in me, 

And that's my darling, Maxine. 



Inspirational 
Poems 



es 



The Successful Man 



The successful man is always kicked, he's kicked 

all over town ; 
No matter what his ''line" may be, they'll kick 

him all around. 
The man who wins is always kicked, they kick 

him black and blue, 
He's thumped with "mud" and rotten eggs, gets 

number fourteen shoe. 

Because he's always on the job and not lazy at 

work; 
Because he plods and plugs away, while other 

men may shirk ; 
Because he puts more in his work and gets more 

in return, 
And stirs things up and gets things done, he's 

kicked at every turn. 

The men who set the world ahead, are kicked 

all over town ; 
They lift us to a higher plane but get kicked all 

around ; 
No matter, sir, what lives they save, no matter 

what they give, 
If they do more than other men, they're punc- 
tured like a sieve. 



84 inspirational ^oerns 

If 3^ou're not kicked I wonder why ; do you use 

the common dope? 
Do you pla}' fair and do your best, or sulk or 

grunt or mope? 
If you're not kicked you won't rise far, so man 

get in the game 
And let them kick you all around, kick hard 

until they're lame. 

You do your work and play your game, play 

fair and hard all day ; 
And let the townsmen wag their tongues ; the 

gossips have their saj'^, 
And never mind their cutting ways ; never mind 

their surly frown ; 
You'll beat 'em all on the home stretch, though 

they kick you all around. 



85 

There's No Such Thing As Failure 



There's no such thing as failure 
To him who fights when down ; 

For just as light comes after night, 
Success will failure crown. 

There's no such thing as failure 
To those who mean to stand. 

Each failure hard— he's turned the card 
Success, and won the hand. 

They only think it's failure. 

And that's why they've not won ; 

It they'd think right; keep at the fight 
Success would surely come. 

There's no such thing as failure ; 

Repeat this every day — 
I'm bound to win, thru thick or thin, 

Success is mine, I say. 

And God will favor such a man ; 

Failure is bound to flee, 
If you but say — tho there's delay — 

Success is meant for me. 

There's no such thing as failure 

Unless you want it so ; 
With steady nerve, you never swer\-e, 

Success is sure, tho slow. 

Repeat the thought day in and out 
The thought, "I'm bound to win," 

Do not complain — with might and main- 
Success, doth now begin. 



bb < Jnspirn fionri/ ^l^o 



Please Don't Stop Kickin' My 
Name Around 

Please don't stop kickin' my name aronnd. 

You mean by that to keep me down — 

The harder I'm kicked, the better I'll bound, 

I'll always smile and never frown, 

Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 

Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 
Every knock you give, your every sound 
Boosts me way up until I'm found. 
Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 

Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 
It sends me on top and not far down; 
Each time my name gets your base sound 
You boost me higher, round by round, 
Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 

Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 
"Each knock is a boost" — that's long been 

found — 
So hammer away altho you're bound 
To kill me off I'm still around, 
Please dnn't stop kickin' iiiv name around. 



87 



Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 
I'm higher today by knockers bound 
To kill me off, round by round; 
So knock and curse ; defame and pound ; 
Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 

Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 
Call me a fool, blockhead or clown ; 
Pinhead or goose, base cur or hound. 
Use vilest words that can be found ; 
Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 



^ynspirationat ^oents 

Don't Lose Your Goat 



Casey had two balls ; two strikes as he stood up 

to bat. 
"Ball three" was called; another came — when, 

holy smoke! what's that? 
He soaked a ball clean over third, beyond the 

fence and moat, 
And scored a straight home run because he 

didn't lose his goat. 

"The fight is on," my youthful friend, and the 

one who wins the game 
Is the chap you meet who has his nerve and 

ever is the same. 
You'll get nick-named; called everything, from 

kid to that "old soak," 
But never mind, just plug along and do not lose 

your goat. 

You'll make mistakes a-plenty, boy, but never 

you mind that 
So long as you don't lose your grip, 3'ou're 

bound to win, by cat! 
You can afford to lose anything, from house and 

lot to boat, 
So long as you don't lose your nerve or let 'em 

get your goat. 



S)on' f Cose youn Goat 89 

There's many a man who'll seek your fall from 

lies to drinking beer ; 
But pay no heed, all that you need is to grip 

and persevere. 
Give up you bed ; drink gall and lead ; and let 

'em take your coat ; 
If you're to win, for heaven's sake don't let 

'em get your goat. 

There are rich and poor; there are strong and 

great ; there are all kinds of men 
Who'll lay their traps and try to see you *'beat 

to first," but then 
So long as you have got your nerve, you can put 

your clothes in soak — 
Fact, you can part with anything if you don't 

let 'em get your goat. 



I often make mistakes— can you 
say as much? 



yO Unspirationni "Poems 



I Will 



I will, I can, I will! 
Says the man who means to win. 
And there's no power this side of death 
That can shut and keep him in. 

I will, I can, I will! 

Is the slogan that never fails. 

And there's no power on land or sea. 

To keep down that man's sails. 

I will, I can, I will! 
Has turned the world around 
And saved a people many times 
When others thought them, down. 

I will, I can, I will! 

Has won on every side, 

For there's no power can beat a man 

Who never will sa3', "die." 



Never Mind The Knocker 

"That was a hard knock, I got today, 

It nearly laid me low, 
I'll not regain the blow for aye, 

Why is the world made so?" 

Just wait a little, brother man, 

And see what end this blow 
Will have in store for you. O Sam, 

Some things come very slow. 

In twenty years from this sore whack 
You'll smile, though now you're barred 

And see your "bread" is coming back. 
And you on top, though scarred. 

These whacks must come to try your vim, 

To exercise your grit, 
To teach that all who live to win, 

Must not "give up the ship." 

So take your whacks with all good grace 

And never frown or kick, 
Just let the world see your stern face 

That will not wince one whit. 

•The world can't knock you all around, 

And keep it up for aye, 
For if you plug and work and pound 

The knocks will die away. 



y^ fjitspifational ^ocms 

If they don't die they won't hurt you, 

And both are just the same, 
So work away, ne'er say adieu 

Just play your fighting game. 

Your enemies, and knockers, too, 

Admire a man with pluck ; 
So never mind though black and blue, 

You'll win, with no amuck. 

Though black and blue from knockers, 
Sam, 

You won't feel hurt one bit 
If you keep on, play you're a man 

Who'll not stay down though hit. 



93 



Never Say Die 



Have you done all you could and been criticized? 

Have you played the world fair and then lost? 
Have you worked like a trooper and seemed 
hypnotized 

So nothing turned out but the cost 

And that charged to you and nothing to pay? 

Have you ever experienced that plight ; 
Been broke and not able to turn any way ; 

Have 3'ou wanted to give up the fight? 

Have you done all you could and been cuffed about? 

Have you played like a man and gone down? 
Have you made your last effort and sparred your 
last bout? 

Have you felt like not "sticking around." 

Have you failed once or often; been called a 
damn fool? 
Have 3'ou tried to keep straight and look game? 
Have you said this will end it, life's too hard a 
school, 
I'll quit, for success never came? 



94 lOnspiratittnal ^oerns 

Take heart, brother mine, I've felt this queer pain ; 

I've failed, seen everything gone; 
I too have said, nay, I'll not try again — 

That's just the safe time to hang on! 

For just 'round the corner, when you've failed 
many times, 
There's success awaiting for j^ou ; 
If 3'ou never give up, there are dollars and 
dimes — 
.For failure and defeat is your cue. 

O never say die, make an effort once more! 

Never say my time will not come ; 
Just you try again, with that spirit of yore, 

Then success will come with a hum. 



95 



Life's Gethsemane 

Kach life liath it's Gethsemane! 

No doubt 'tis better so, 
Tho when our souls sweat drops of blood, 

We rather pray, "O no." 

But when this dark Gethsemane 

And others, have been won, 
We'll reach the Master's attitude ; 

"Not mine but Thine be done." 

Be strong in your Gethsemane ; 

Be like our Lord of old ; 
For drops of blood may mean today 

Your strength increased ten fold. 

For when each dark Gethsemane 

Has past long since away. 
We see that it was better far. 

To sweat as Christ, that day. 

Each life hath its Gethsemane 

If not at first, at last ; 
So cultivate your soul's repose 

You're stronger when it's past. 

So God, when our Gethsemane 

Is making us sweat blood, 
Give us the spirit the Master had 

To endure the troubles' flood ! 



96 il/nspifla/ionac ii i>er«c 



The Mother Heart 



A womau who raises children, 
Children who are not her own, 

Is one of God's great workers — 
Sing her praise from pillar to dome. 

A woman who shelters children, 
Children without legal name. 

Is the noblest of Christ's workers 
Who lift us to a higher plane. 

God send th}^ sweet benediction 

On a woman who thus does her part 

In caring for outcast children 

O strengthen her courage and heart. 

May we learn this from her courage — 
That no matter how hard be the way 

If we see our duty, then do it, 
No matter what others may say. 



97 



You Can't Keep A Good 
Man Down 



There' s no use trying to keep a good man 
down, 

He'll rise in spite of all; 
He may be beaten into pulp, 

But he will rise with every fall. 

A good strong man with pluck and grit 

Each time on top will come, 
Tho gods and man contrive to beat 

And keep him out of plumb. 

You might as well stem back the tide, 
And make the moon stand still 

As try to keep a good man down — 
A man with a force and will. 



i/O %3nspiratiutiai ^/\*f/ns 

The Man Who Comes Back 



Oh don't be a quitter, we disdain such a man, 
Though we have been guilty ourselves ; 

We've oft turned our backs from life's sordid 
whacks — 
Let the past be put on the shelves. 

Yes, we've been a quitter for many a day ; 

And ashamed sneaked back to the ranks ; 
We quit and returned — all the bridges then 
burned ; 

Then received men's comments and thanks. 

Don't be a quitter who never comes back, 

If defeated and beaten today 
And you throw up the sponge, just you again 
lunge 

Head-foremost to the thick of the fray. 

If you are a quitter — the one who comes back — 
You have company, the best that can be ; 

For many a man in this glorious land 
Has quit, yet claims victory. 

No longer a quitter — when you try, trj^ again — 
When you back up and then go ahead ; 

So take heart again ; our God will sure send 
Success before you are dead. 



99 



The Way To Win 



When your hat is "in the ring," 

Don't give up the fight. 
Jump right in, begin to sing, 

vSing with all your might. 
Don't get sour, let each hour 

See you keep up the fight. 
If you can't sing do the next thing, 

Smile, smile, from left to right. 
Smile and fight, fight and sing, 

Fight with all your might, 
For when your hat is in the ring, 

Don't give up the fighl. 

You're not beat, there's no defeat 

When you don't give up the fight. 
^'Down andout?" Pshaw! Begin to shout, 

On your job again a light. 
Pound and thump; yes, dig and jump, 

Don't give up the fight. 
There's no defeat; youVe never beat 

When you are in the right 
Unless you stop, your vim you drop, 

So plug with all your might. 
Don't wait awhile, but start to smile, 

Jump right in, begin to sing. 
Smile and kee]) u]) tlie fight. 



100 /Jiispirutitnidi '/Kjems 

When j'our hat's not in the rin^, 

Throw it there and fight. 
Others have won, but when begun 

They too, were in a plight. 
So buckle right in, keep up your grin, 

Make your troubles hike. 
Smile and grin for grit and vim 

Will win in any fight 
If you don't quit, so never sit 

Till all are on the flight. 
So throw your hat into the ring. 

Throw it there and tight. 

Grip your nerve, never swerve, 

When you are in the fight. 
Grit your teeth, for underneath 

There's gold — though out of sight. 
There's gold and fame in this big game, 

So just keep up the fight, 
So never mind if man's unkind, 

You're coming out all right. 
You failed today? That's nothing, say 

Just keep up the fight 
And you will see your failures flee. 

Flee clear out of sight. 
So keep your hat there in the ring 

And don't give up the fight. 

Difficulties, troubles and sorrows make 
weak men cringe ; but brave men strong. 



101 



"Where There's A Will 
There's A Way" 

"Where there's a will, there is a way!" 

So never give up the ship ; 
There's land ahead and ''ivory bed" 

To each stiff upper lip. 

you may not see which way to turn, 

But still there is a way 
Where's there's a will — keep at it still — 

You'll reap success some day. 

If you can't see, still there's away ; 

A way with every will; 
You may not know which way to go, 

But you will climb the hill. 

Don't waver, man, there is a way 

If you but have the will; 
So plug along, with heart and song, 

Success comes but by drill. 



1(.'2 t Jnspirnfionn/ 'z.^oems 

The Man Who's Afraid 
of The Cars 

Have you met such a man, who's "afraid 
of the cars?" 

Afraid of his shadow and men? 

He has no back-bone and only one tone, 
*'I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the cars." 

There's no room on earth, there's no 
room on Mars, 

For the man who's afraid of life's game ; 

No room anywhere in hallway or stair 
For the man who's "afraid of the cars." 

God never made man to be 'fraid of the 
cars ! 
That's ours — there's no doubting that — 
So determine to stand on sea or on land 

Like a man not "afraid of the cars." 

The world will laud you, though covered 
with scars 

From the battle of life, when you win ; 

So tackle the game, every day be the same 
And don't be "afraid of the cars." 

So right about face ! Not afraid of the cars ! 
Brace up, meet the world like a man. 
Things will sure come j^our way, stay 
so every day, 

When a man's not "afraid of the cars." 



103 



Handicapped For Life 

I may have many handicaps ; 

III health, poor eyes and lame ; 
Thoujjh I have drawn a card that's 
marked 

I never will complain. 

I may think God's mistreated me, 
But won't think so for long ; 

Though other men have better leads 
ril keep chuck full of song. 

While others droop and give it up 

And say they never can ; 
Though I'm bound down at every turn 

I'll play the game a man. 

And while I work against all odds, 
From me there'll be no whine ; 

I'll get my share of fun from work, 
Life's nectar, all is mine. 



Social Poems 
and Others 



107 

She Lives On Six Dollars A Week 



"She lives on six dollars a week!" 

Buys her own food, clothes, and pays rent. 

Spends car fare and laundry (still she is meek.) 
When pay day comes around, for joys not a 
cent 

For she lives on six dollars a M^eek. 

"She lives on six dollars a week!" 

One dollar for clothes and two for room rent, 
(A "hole in the wall" for a room, how sleek (?)) 

When payday comes round for joys not a cent, 
For she lives on six dollars a week. 

"She lives on six dollars a week!" 

Thirty cents for car fare; her back's most bent 
Walking to work and standing till weak. 

When pay day comes round for herself not a 
cent 
For she lives on six dollars a week. 

"She lives on six dollars a week!" 

Cold and hunger, yes lonely and friendless! 

She gets her own breakfast — coffee that' s cheap— 
Ye rich who are comfy you never can guess 

The horror of six dollars a week. 



108 Snciat'Ooems 

"She lives on six dolbrs a week!" 

A sandwich for lunch, and supper she eats 

In a down-town joint where everything's cheap, 
And tablecloths dirty, j^rease on the seats — 

For she lives on six dolUus a week. 

"She lives on six dollars a week!" 

So slick sportinp^ men — those damnable curs — 
Offer her ease and her ruin they seek 

'Till weak and discouraged (joy it's not hers) 
And she yields on six dollars a week. 

She lived on six dollars a week. 

Now the tables have turned, but soon O God I 
She is weary, heartbroken and weak, 

And she prays, soon to be under the sod 
And forget her six dollars a week. 

Does anyone wonder the reason why 

She lost in struggle — tired and so weak ! 

Who can condemn her? What heart would not 
sigh 
To think of the fight, to live and keep meek 

On onlv six dollars a week? 



Love in the heart and on the tongue 
driveth away satan — also enemies which 
is the same. 



109 



Woman Suffrage 



Beaten But Not Defeated 

"The House of Representatives tonight by a vote 
of 204 to 174 refused to submit to the states the 
amendment to the federal constitution to enfranchise 
women." — News item, January 12th, 1915. 



Have you heard all about it? Sh' do not 
shout it ; thou.s^h soon 'twill cover crea- 
tion. The U.S. lawmakers have put women 
below bakers, and it's up to the "states" 
not the nation to let women vote — she 
still ranks with the goat or nigger or im- 
migrant lowly — but that does not say, she 
will stop from today and never push her 
fight, which is holy. Though turned down 
todaj'', and tomorrow the same, yet still 
she will keep up her pace, till all the cre- 
ation and every bold nation will see she is 
part of the race of men who are not cow- 
ards — though Davids and Howards put 
blocks all around in her way. Though 
defeated today, she will still make sweet 
hay, though men call to her to keep still, 
for now to the world her flag is unfurled 
and she means to win out through her 
will. She'll not quit the ring cause some 



shout and sing, "She's only a woman, 
that's all." She's made of the stuff that 
takes no rebuff and will finish as victor, 
she's sent out the call ! Yes, Uncle 
Sam's men — some bullies and Ben — think 
women not worthy the right, but you can 
just bet, there are plenty men yet, who 
will help the women to fight. The deci- 
sion is in, she's not worth a pin (judging 
from man's side of the game) but that's 
no criterion, she'll fight the whole year 
in, and bring up the issue again. Who 
thinks women will pine, sit down and 
then whine, and sa}^ things ugly and hard 
about her situation and "lords of crea- 
tion," don't understand women, mypard. 
So ye lawmaker-men, who have turned 
her down when she asked for her share in 
the vote, just retain your big laughter, 
for quite a while after, j'ou'll see she'll 
conquer through hope. Through hope 
and good cheer without any fear of the 
outcome to her in the end, she will be 
equal to you to your son's son, too, to 
Freddie to Sammie and Ben. For you 
can't keep her down, she's not beat by 
your frown, and to think so you have not 
''hit it," or you don't know the soul of 
women whose goal is the ballot and all 



'Woman Suffrat/e Ui 

that goes with it. Though defeated once 
more (you can't make her sore) the 
women all over the land will write and 
will talk, will ride and and will walk, and 
at last will win Uncle Sam. She's bound 
to be free, the woman you see, there's no 
getting round all of that, for she's right in 
the game and to keep up the same, she 
will stay where she's thrown down the 
hat, and that is the ring, and to shout 
and to sing for ballot and suffrage and 
votes, she'll continue to do until she sees 
the thing through and she's counted 
worth more than the goats. So don't you 
be smart and thinkest thou art more 
noble and greater than she, for as you 
fought to win, through thick and through 
thin, she'll match your two with a three. 
You fought for your rights, through dark 
stormy nights until kindoms gave you 
freeman's votes, and she'll do the same, 
beat you at your game, for she's not go- 
ing to pine or to mope; for she'll keep 
up her vim with broad smiling she' 11 win, 
and you will be proud of her, more, and 
ashamed after while, that you're beat by 
her smile, and didn't give up long before. 



112 Socia/ foetus 

Gossip 



" 'The^' sa3',' he kissed Matilda as tliej^ walked 

along the way." 
But Matilda was in Oshkosh and he at Sheeps- 

head Ba3^, 
When they said, he kissed Matilda as the3Mvalk- 

ed along the way. 

*' 'They say,' that Jones has left her, has left 

and means to stay." 
But Jones was at a funeral and as mourner 

met del a}', 
When they said, that Jones had left her and had 
left his wife to stay. 

*' 'They say,' vSusanna was jilted and has thrown 

her life away." 
But Susanna was in bathing ; tried her brand 

new suit that day 
They said, she was a suicide and threw her life 

away. 

" 'They say,' he is a grafter and in politics he'll 
stay" 

But our Senator was walloped, beat thru "sched- 
ule K" 

Because he would not bow to Baal and take their 
dough that day. 

" 'They say,' Rebbecca hit him, threw a rolling 
pin," some sa3^ 



c-jossip 



113 



He was putting up a stove pipe which fell and 

came his way 
When they said his wife had soaked him with a 

brick or pin that day. 

" 'They say,' the parson's son's a crook, with a 

wad he walked away." 
But he had been to college, had honors from 

Fall to May, 
With a scholarship he won instead of a ''stolen 

wad," that day. 

*' 'They say,' Smith's son's in trouble, in the 

work house he must stay," 
But Smith's son's in business, owns half of all 

Broadway 
And passes around the collection plate for the 

parson each brijg^ht Sunday, 

*' 'They say', she's to be a mother — that's wh}'' 

she went away." 
But she went to have a tooth out then threw the 

tooth awaj^ 
And came back with artist's honor; but the 

gossips had their say. 

Meet me in the open, do not fight nie with 

"they say." 
Call me thief, sandbagger, liar, any thing to 

ME, today. 
Rut do not fight with gossip, with that dastardl}-, 
''They say." 



114 Sociat zi^oems 



Babies and Hogs 

"Representative of would have the auto- 
mobile driver who runs over a farmer's hog or 
chicken or dog, stop, notify the owner, make a rea- 
sonable effort to agree upon a settlement. ***Babies 
are not mentioned." — News item. 



A chauffeur kills a hog and stops to explain, 
He weeps and is sorry and takes out his wad. 

He pays the damages in sunshine or rain — 
That is if he murders a goose or a hog. 

Should he run over a baby — an act inhuman — 
He turns on the 'gas' and hikes like the devil. 

A hog is worth money — a baby's but human — 
We care for a pig — baby's not on its level. 

If the chauffeur drives fast, hits a dog in the ear, 
He carefully stops and takes out his wad. 

He asks "how much sir, do you never fear," 
(Not so if a baby) "for chicken or hog." 

We raise money for chickens and ditto for hogs ; 
We feed 'em and house 'em and pay if they're 
killed ; 
But babies of poor are treated like dogs, 

And nothing is said, though their stomach's 
not filled. 



babies and ZHogs 115 

Be careful of chickens, of doggies, of geese; 

Protect them and watch them and pay if 
they're dead ; 
But cut down the wages of children, and fleece 

Abuse them and kill them and nothing is said. 

We spend money to raise better hogs every year, 

And snarl if asked for a tax for a child ; 
We pass laws to pay damages on chickens and 
deer, 
But clutch at our purse strings, for children 
the while. 



If you are looking for an angel don't come 
my way — how about yourself ? 



116 Soci'a/ '■/\>emsi 

Babies Are Not Wanted In This Flat 



"Modern flat for rent; the best that is; 

Steam heated, light and all of that, 
We need your money in our biz — 

But babies not wanted in this flat." 

"A flat for rent on Nabob Street, 

Not a single cock roach, mouse or rat, 

This one indeed is very neat, 

But babies not wanted in this flat." 

"Our flat has just been renovated 

Outside and in, from post to slat, 
'Tis very pleasantly located, 
But no babies wanted in this flat." 

Our tenants wear the latest style, 

From socks and shirts to M-aist and hat ; 

Everything indeed is very fine, 

But babies not wanted in this flat." 

"Come noted people, one and all, 

Small people, lean or fat. 
Our rooms are airy and spacious hall, 

But no babies wanted in this flat." 

"The great and wise, the rich and smart, 

All live here with parrot, dog or cat. 
We need one more tenant, what's your art? 

But babies not wanted in this flat," 



117 



King Alcohol Bows to Suffragettes 

"I'm the king of kings, aho! 

I torture kings ; I ruin and kill, 
For I'm the great king still in tow, 

And homes with frightful horrors fill." 

"I'm the king of kings aho! 

I laugh at widows, scorn the child 
Whose father spends his hard earned 
'dough' 

Over my bar 'till his brain is wild." 

"I'm the king of kings, aho! 

I fill my pockets while children cry ; 
I dance and sing while the funeral, slow 

Passes my door, for what care I" 

"If a drunkard's dead and children moan, 
I've made my money, my purse is fat. 

I am king o'er that ruined home 
But what care I for all of that?" 

"For I'm the king of kings, aho! 

I send men to hell ;and woman deprave ; 
Some rush to death, others go slow. 

But one by one, fill a drunkards's 
grave." 



"But that's, nix to me, I'm king, ahol 
I murder men and children slay, 

For the law provides for me heigho, 
I gloat for men to flay and flay." 

"But then I'll not be king, O no! 

If women perchance the suffrage get ; 
So hell ! I'll spend m}' cash to sow 

Lies and traps and snares I'll set" 

"That folk will keep me king, aho! 

So I can revel in mans' despair. 
I dance with glee, sing aha! Heigho! 

When suffering women clutch their 
hair." 

"I'm spending my cash to be king, aho! 

I'm buying pulpit, brains and press 
To prevent "skirts" from the vote, heigho. 

We dread her power and that confess." 

"But while she is manacled, aho, 
And she cannot the ballot hold. 

I'll still be king of kings, by joe 

Spreading dire hell from pole to pole." 

"And so I'll be king of kings, aho I 
And sow hell, death and drunks pell 
mell. 

Till women come to their own, heigho 
And I'm debarred my wares to sell." 



ZJK^ing Alcohol and Suffragettes 11" 

"Till then I'm king of kings, aho! 

So 'ischkebibble,' king alcohol, 
'Till women vote and strike the blow 

That makes my kingdom take its fall." 

"But as it is I'm king aho! 

'But I should worry' man's a fool. 
And keeps the ballot from her, heigho. 

And lets king alcohol have rule." 

"So I dance and sing and smirk, aho! 

The law; the cops; they're all my own 
While women are barred from votes, 
heigho. 
And men do reap what they have 
sown." 



120 Social 9?oems 

Good Roads 



To E. C. Issenhuth, Father of the Good Roads Move- 
ment, in South Dakota. 



Merrily we rolled along, our mouths filled with 
song, 

We lovers, down a Spink County road; 
When the first thing we knew (O save usyesdo) 

We spilt out — we and our load. 
We knew the poor roads had spoiled many loads, 

But we didn't expect it again. 
Alas and forsooth ; heeded not Issenhuth, 

Issenhuth and his theme of "Good Roads." 

The next year while taking — his Good Roads 
forsaking-— 

Wheat to market to get some cash, 
I got half-way there, when lo, what a scare, 

A creak, a chuck and a smash ; 
And I was detained (I and my grain) 

Stuck in a rut deep and bad. 
I thought of E. C, who had talked much to me 

On Good Roads and I thought he was mad. 

I put ten dollars down to get pulled into town 

And my wagon fixed up so 'twould run 
And glad T repeat, to get off so cheap 

Wlicn I think of the damages done. 



Good ,9ioar/s 121 

Had I pledged fivedollars with horses and collars 

To fix that road, don't you see, 
Five dollars ahead, I'd be Uncle Ned — 

And encouraged Good Roods and E. C. 

I was starting to haul some hay this last fall 

(Each fall I market some hay) 
When I struck a mudhole — alone not a soul — 

And there I remained for the day. 
I thought of more loads and I thought of Good 
Roads, 

I thought of Issenhuth, you bet, 
I first fought him hard but now he's my pard, 

And on Good Roads my mind is now set. 

It's strange is it not — you haven't forgot — 

How we oppose these new f angled things? 
How we fight the reformer — tradesman and 
farmer — 

And neglect the wisdom he brings. 
But our Issenhuth with the spirit of youth, 

Will win in the end sure as toads. 
And our thrifty young state will often relate. 

The wisdom of E. C. and Good Roads. 



My name may be mud, but, "old 
man," it's clean. 



1^^ Social /.^oems 

Wilson's Watchful Waiting 



"To hell with Mex — let's do 'em up; 

Some Americans have been slain; 
We won't down there leave a grease spot 

When Uncle Sammy takes the rein. 
Strike up the band ; we want to fight ; 

We'll clean that bunch down there." 
Thus urged the people — "come, hurry 

up"— 
But Woodrow Wilson was in the chair. 

"This watchful waiting gives us a pain, 

They've insulted us too much ; 
We'll wipe them off the face of earth, 

For now they've raised 'our dutch.' 
That 'dutch' is up, now act like men! 

Why say, that little bunch down there 
'Gainst Uncle Sam won't last a month" — 

But Woodrow Wilson was in the chair. 

"What ails the President anyway? 

'Cow punchers' can do them up, 
But there sits Woodrow like a chump, 

Why don't he lick that Mexican pup? 
We're tired of waiting, we want to fight. 

They can't pull out your Uncle's hair 
Without they're licked into a pulp" — 

But Woodrow Wilson was in the chair. 



Wf/sons Wafchfu/ Waiting 123 

He held the reins until steam blew off 

And peoples' nerves got quiet, 
And tho bombarded on every side 

A few with him stood by it. 
We'll call him wonderful and great ; 

All time will praise his watchful care ; 
We'll thank our "stars" and Bryan too 

That Woodrow Wilson was in the chair. 

Again we see there's trouble brewing 

With Nations across the sea, 
And now we fuss and fret and fume 

Discuss the end at lunch and tea. 
Why get worked up, why all this "sweat, ' ' 

Why stampede with every scare? 
Just keep your seat and hold your nerve, 

For Woodrow Wilson is in the chair. 

Stand by the President, countrymen 

And bury political gibes, 
Encourage him who bears the load 

To save a million lives. 
We're writing history anew, 

We'll add a page that's rare, 
He'll pull us thru without the sword — 

It's Woodrow Wilson who's in the 
chair. 



1^4 Social zl oenis 

Aberdeen 

Aberdeen is the city of homes. — Aberdeen, S. D. 



Sweet City of homes, Aberdeen ! 

Aberdeen, the loved of the west, 
Where there is a chance for the man who 
is keen 

To see and make for the best. 

Sweet city of homes, Aberdeen ! 

Where *'man is a man for 'a that," 
Where all the lowly or great, I ween, 

Can own their own homes or a flat. 

Sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen! 

The pride of the "Sunshine State," 
Where wheat and where corn and com- 
merce are seen 

Making her rich — it's the fate 

Of sweet city of homes, Aberdeen, 

For placed where you are with your 
fields, 
With workers and boosters, means wealth 
ever green, 
'Tis decreed by the gods and their seals. 

Sweet city of homes, Aberdeen, 

In you our hearts swell with pride. 

In its wealth, commerce or western scene, 
You're second to none — "our bride." 



I went fishing one day and 
caught — well, let's forget it. 



125 

The Devirs Judgment 

Oh the woeful, stinging memory when he goes 

to the judgment seat ! 
All the cries and all the misery, all the groans 

and tears to meet ! 

All the anguish of a hell-cursed earth, with its 

fright and with its care, 
Coming to his ears at judgment — God! it's 

more than he can bear. 

See a billion eyes of murder, see the bleeding, 

mangled feet ! 
With their fierce, condemning anguish, as he 

nears the Judgment Seat ! 

See the clutching, skinny fingers, pointing in a 

sea of scorn. 
Fingers of a billion sufferers pointing on that 

judgment morn ! 

Oh the horrors of the devil, when he goes to the 

Judgment Bar! 
All the cries of base inferno's ringing forth, 

both near and far 

Will be tame to bellowing misery, from the 

throats of trillions dead. 
Crying, "curses on thee, fallen angel, you who 

have a heart of lead." 

Cryings, damnings, cursings, screechings, seeth- 
ing, boiling, hissing hell. 

Will resound to meet the devil when he hears 
the Judgment Bell. 



126 Sociu/ ^c 



Our Boy Goes On Ahead 



A Poem of Condolence 



We'll never see his face again, 

But his Spirit's with us still 
And will be to the end of life — 

A law by God's own will. 

*'How could we part with one so dear?" 
Oh ! that would strike us dumb 

But for our hope of life beyond, 
And hearing Him say, "come." 

We could not rest at ease behind ; 

We could not think of life 
As anything but misery 

Without God to win the strife. 

And yet we have much comfort still 

To ponder about our boy, 
Who lived with us for twenty A^ears ; 

Our pride, our hope, our joy ! 

No trouble did he ever give ; 

No watchful nights we had ; 
No wondering if he evil sought ; 

No time through him was sad. 



Our ^oy Goes On ,^heae{ Yll 

What comfort then we have, alas ! 

Though in our sorrow bent ; 
What comfort through our tears we have 

For all the joy he sent. 

He'll not endure what here we do ; 

He's through with earthly pain, 
And waits with joy and happiness 

When we shall meet again. 

Though dark the way and rough the road, 

We hope in God of love 
That though today, Gethsemane, 

We shall meet our boy above. 



"Like produces like;" good deeds 
beget good deeds ; friendship stimu- 
lates friends ; and love, love. Get 
in the swim. 



128 Sociu/ 9,^c 



Capital Punishment 



The South Dakota Senate, led by Senator Pliil 
Beebe, votes to abolish hanging. — News item, January 
20th, 1915. 



Of all foolish, accepted, dark bloody crimes 
That man still keeps on the books of the law 

Is Capital Punishment, one often finds — 
Such a glaring, absurd, outrageous flaw! 

A man in hot passion, takes another man's life, 
The law in its session, with time and in 
"state," 

Does the very same crime of the gun or the knife, 
And thinks by so doing to lessen man's hate. 

The absurdity; a3/e, the foolish mistake 
Of trying to kill less, hy setting the pace! 

Oh are we Christain and continue to make 
Laws that kill others — it's absurd on the face. 

Let's make amends; return good for the bad ; 

Be more like men than savages cruel ; 
Teach criminals kindness (Oh it is sad! ) 

"Like produces like," a staid and fast rule. 



Qapifa/ ^^unishmcnf 129 

When will we learn that to have better men 
We must set the example, show them the way 

Of charity, kindness, calmness and then 

Man's inherent goodness responds right away. 



Hold on there, old man, you're way out of date. 
The Solons at Pierre followed Beebe who led. 

No more legal killing in the "Sunshine State," 
No more hanging humans till they're dead, 
dead, dead. 

Three cheers for our advancement ; three for 
Beebe ! 
Three cheers for Old Glor3^ and Congress at 
Pierre ! 
Posterity will praise you — all men sing your 
praise — 
For this legislative act of the year. 



God dwells in us according to the love 
we shed abroad — How much of God have 
you? 



If you have ever done me a wrong 
forget it — it has been blotted out 
from my memory recorder. 



loO Social zPoems 

Ode To A Landmark 



"Old landmark is destroyed by fire. Old Beard block 
built in 1881.***Replaced by fire-proof structure. — 
News item. 



The old Beard block is gone, is gone ; aye gone 

forever ! 
She stood the test of time and strain, in cold 

and pleasant weather. 
She's gone the way all men must go, to make 

room for another, 
Though replaced by a modern, she was our 

building "mother." 

But thy going is not so bad, old friend, not bad 

as we suppose. 
If we are true and ready too, to go and meet 

with those 
Who have passed this way as we pass on, our 

loved ones and blest. 
Not so bad, old landmark friend, if we have done 

our best. 

So fare thee well old landmark friend, friend we 

will miss, alas! 
You did your part, you served your age, it's but 

your right to pass. 
It's but your right to pass away, make room for 

blocks anew; 
And so we too will serve our age and pass on, 

pass on as you. 



Sausages 



133 



'Life Is What We Make It" 



Life is what we make it. 

What about your mother-in-law? 
Whose fault is it that she comes round 

And forever works her jaw? 

Life is what we make it. 

What about a boil on your leg? 
Did you make that or inherit it? 

Come down a notch or a peg. 

Life is what we make it. 

What about the Johnstown flood? 
Someone said liar to Mikey Flynn 

And he soaked ME with a club. 

Life is what we make it. 

But Johnny Jones look here, 
I sat alone, when, zip, there came 

A rotten egg and hit my ear. 

Now tell me sir what did I do 

When peacefully I sat 
And did not say or do a thing 

But got a swat like that. 



134 



y a usages 



If life is what we make it 

And I got rotten egged, 
Oh lordy massa ! Mary Ann ! 

I'll next become peg-legged. 

And then what's next, I cannot tell, 
Suppose I'll lose my "goat," 

And then I'll be in — Oh well— 
They'll take my house and coat. 

Life is w hat we make it 

And the devil adds a fling ; 
I get all the "old boy" sends 

And blamed for the whole damn thingo 



135 

Women On The Warpath 



. n 



The women have formed a "Peace Party" with 
which to protest against war.— News item 

Clar th' thrack ther' ye wahr lards and 
rhulers ; 

The wimen hav' entered the fray ; 
They now hav' th' " Wimens Pace Party ; 

To th' waryers and lards, it's away! 

The wimen hav' drawn a petishon, 
An' enfattically state an' dayclar: 

They are shtandin' f'r pace an' f'r justice, 
Without the wahr craze an' its scar'r. 

So hike r-right alowng ye wahr lards 

An' singers iv wahrs, gr-rat an' sthrong ; 
Th' wimen hav taken th' cudg-gel 
To pacefuUy settle awl wrong. 

When she takes holt iv the wahr handle, 
An' swings an' dayclars up an' down 

Th' wahr is a rellick iv past ages, 
Ye'd betther go back an' sit down. 

F'r she is th' sthronger, is wimen, 

Though on wahr she's bin lay in' low, 
She' s now come to her own an' ye bit ye 

Th' wahr an' its hell will soon go. 



iob •Srrusezffes 

So throt r-right alowng, Mishter wahr 
lard, 

Say good by' if ye think he hav' time ; 
Do not linger an' dally too lowng sir 

F'r she's apt to kick yer're behind. 

Go waj^ back nie lard, and sit down sir, 

Sit down so hard an' so fast 
That yeMl niver come to life agin sir 

She's got you on th' run sir, at last. 

O hiven on wahr lards hav' mersay, *" 
i\n' angils protect an' give help! 

F'r it's afther th' wahr divils she's goin* 
An' whin she comes back they'll be 
scalpted. 



We are all brothers — why not 
show it. 



137 

Why My Wife Left Me 

My wife is large and husky, in fact a trained 
athlete. 

Had won all honors in her gym ; with Samson 
could compete. 

She practiced well with big dumb bell; could 
double quick the hall ; 

Swimming tank and rowing boat— well Captain 
of them all. 

Domestic science was her long suit ; her good 
home-made bread 

Was due to the use of the rolling pin— she prac- 
ticed on my head. 

My wife, she seemed to love me— that's what 

the neighbors said — 
She practiced every cooking day by soaking my 

poor head. 
I bought a car ; stylish clothes and hats were 

hers rot a few; 
I did my level best to be her sweetheart tried 

and true. 
I cut the wood, washed dishes too, swept and 

made the bed. 
But she left me cause I wouldn't let her soak 
me on the head. 



i-^0 ■Ci a usages 

She told me how to brush my hair and said I 

should be fat 
When I was lean — she wanted me to be round 

instead of flat. 
I ate and ate some more ; took fat developer for 

her sake ; 
In fact did almost everything but try to cook 

and bake. 
My wife did that — her' arm is strong — I swept 

and made the bed, 
But she left me cause I wouldn't let her soak me 

on the head. 

Now I am a lonesome man, I'm sorry we're all in ; 
That is I would be sorry, if not for the rolling 

pin. 
Guess I will call and see her ma and tell her 

how it went, 
For really now I love my wife and on her love 

I'm bent. 

^\i * :1; * * s}: 

I've seen her ma and seen her pa, and it's all 

right they said, 
And she'll come back, be my sweet wife, stop 

soaking my poor head. 



Autos honk, fool croak, cranks kick, 
but men hoe corn. 



139 

Why I am Single 



I built a house, had furnished it and planned a 

real good time, 
Had done my best to own a home, the best one 

of its kind. 
I took "her" there, walked 'bout the place and 

showed her all around. 
Then she led me out under a true lovers moon 

and there she turned me down. 

Another time I bought a car and daimonds too 

you bet. 
And thought right there I was secure with a 

bride, the best one yet. 
I took her out to ''joy ride," no better road ere 

found, 
As we rode out under a true lovers moon, Onie, 

she turned me down. 

Then one fine day I bought a farm and stocked 

it, well you see, 
I talked it over with my girl, she promised to 

love me — 
And then her mother came our way — a 

mother with a frown — 
She led me out under a true lover's moon and 

there she turned me down. 



140 



Sausages 



One time I set my mind to get, the fairest girl 

you know, 
I won her heart and thought her hand was mine 

as well, by Joe! 
When I set out to see her pa who lived just out 

of town, 
He led me out under a true lover's moon and 

there he turned me down. 

Since then I've given up the chase, it hardly 

seems worth while. 
So I'm content to live a batch, a batch right up 

to style, 
And work and save and play the part of a man 

with great renown 
And won't be led under a true lover's moon for 

any to turn me down. 



When in doubt kick your preacher — 
it will relieve your feelings and maybe 
he needs it. 



141 



Suppose 

Suppose you were a mother-in-law, 
One of the talkative kind ! 

How would you like to be muzzled 
Or soaked away in brine? 

Suppose you were a doggie, 

One of the higher class? 
How would you like to be labeled 

With an old collar of brass? 

Suppose you were a ducky, 
A duck that flies and swims? 

How would you like to live on eels 
Or fish that has big fins? 

Suppose you were a spider, 

The poisonous kind, you know 

How would you like to be caged 
And travel about in a show? 

Suppose you were an elephant, 
With a trunk so long and fine? 

How would you like to eat peanuts 
And travel all of the time? 

Suppose you were a jackass, 
(And that's not saying much,) 

How would you like to be prodded 
Behind, what say you Dutch? 



142 S, 



tmsages 



Suppose you were a dog-goue fool 

And didn't have a cent, 
How would you pay for coal and wood 

Or even pay your rent? 

Suppose you were a monkey, 

The show kind in a cage, 
How would you enjoy life 

If fed on nuts and sage? 

Suppose your wife had left you, 

Had left and gone away, 
Where in thunder would you sleep 

On a bed, or a bundle of hay? 

Suppose you were me and I you. 
And both were "Batty Bills?" 

*'For heaven's sake cut out the guess 
And give me Munyon pills." 

"Suppose? Suppose?" "Hey cut it out 
I've heard enough for me." 

But just for a kid, suppose, 

Suppose, you were Patty's flea? 



143 

The High Cost of Living 

"Will the size of the loaf be smaller? This is the quest- 
tion that worries consumers as the price of wheat goes 
upward." — News item. 

"Will the size of the loaf be smaller? for 
heaven's sake say no. 

It will drive me to the mad house, to the cala- 
boose ril go. 

How could a loaf be smaller? (O heavens give 
us hope) 

That is, smaller and be seen without a micro- 
scope. 

I used to buy a loaf of bread and on it my family 

feed, 
And when the meal was over, we had some left 

"for seed." 

But now, ye gods who make our laws and now 

our bread do bake. 
For heaven's^sake don't cut it down or I'll have 

the belly ache. 

That stomach ache, will ache, because — can't 

you understand? 
A wee loaf will irritate worse than a grain of 

sand. 

I'd rather die of starving ; be run over by a 

"chauf," 
Than be killed with a bit of dough made into a 

smaller loaf. 



144 Sttusat/es 



What A Wife Should Expect 
From Her Husband 



What a wife should expect from her 
husband. 
Why nothinj;^ man, you should know 
that 
Except, once in a while, a very long 
while, 
A new winter coat or a hat. 

Why should she expect or even dare think 
Of things from her husband, her "lord." 

If he gives her a room or perchance a 
new broom, 
And stately allows her, her board? 

What a wife should expect from her 
husband 

Is meager and scru})by and flat ; 
For isn't he lord of creation. 

And doesn't she know all of that? 

If he gives her room rent, and soup once 

a day 

And allows her the care of her child. 

What more does she want, in this age of 

the world? 

O 1 forgot, she might want a smile. 



145 



For parties and outings; for friendships 
and dance 
She ought never to give them a care ; 
She should wait on his lordship, take in 
washings perchance 
And look after the dear childrens' hair» 

That gives pleasure and exercise, plenty 

'Sne lord," 

And that's quite enough for a bride, 

So let her remember her place and her 

duties 

Her husband, the kids and fireside. 



But then women dear, there are men and 
there 're men, 
There are men and lovers of wives 
Who see that their helpmeets have every- 
thing pleasant 
From smiling to friendships and drives. 

So a wife should expect from her husband 
that^s human 
The very best time in the world ; 
And the cuss who deprives her, her priv- 
ilege and pleasure 
Is the worst of a devilish churl. 



14b C>uus(iffes 

What A Man Should Expect 
From His Wife 

What a man should expect from his wife? 

Why every thing under the sun 
From cutting the wood for breakfast 

To wadding and cleaning his gun. 

A good wife "lays her hand to the distaff;" 
Takes in washing and sharpens her 
knife ; 

Everything he should hope or expect 
He surely should have from his wife. 

When their baby's asleep and he snoring 
in bed, 
She can beat rugs or do up the socks ; 
Learn patching his trousers ; how hus- 

birds are fed ; 
Take a trip with the wash ten blocks. 

She can write, cook, raise cash for the 
rent; 

She can sew, paint, trim all of her hats ; 
And while he is on pleasure bent 

Can even kill roaches and rats. 



That is judging by some of your men, 
But you can just bet your sweet life 

There are plenty of men we know 

Don't expect quite so much from their 
wife. 



147 

What's Wrong With Matrimony? 



What's wrong with matrimony? Why man the 

whole blame thing, 
That's what the bachelors tell you, that's what 

the batch's sing. 
They have no wife or babies, no grocery bills or 

rent, 
No coal to get no gowns to buy, for self there's 

every ceat. 
No fussing with a rolling pin, no feathers, waists 

or hats, 
No visits from your mother-in-law ; no extra 

beds or flats. 

a-. :-i •.!: ••;: ■^• 

But think ye men, there's no sweet wife to greet 

3^ou with a smile. 
No little ones to call you "dad" and play with 

you the while. 
Ah, what's wrong with matrimony ; why man, 

why take the fling? 
If man and wife are mated right, there's not 

one single thing. 



Lose your temper and you've lost 
your game. 



14o Sausages 

Feed The Brutes 



The business women are going to organize a 
permanent club or society as a result of the big 
banquet held at the M. E. church last night. — 
News Item. 



They talk about feeding men's stomachs 
To keep him sweet and content. 

But now see the news (O caflummix) 
The woman on the same now are bent. 

They toasted and fed ; they drank and 
they ate ; 
And the result is a club, (do they need 
'em?) 
Now women adopts the very same bait 
To organize clubs — just feed 'em. 

To organize clubs, just feed 'em; 

To keep them sweet do the same. 
So men be ye wise, just lead 'em 

To feed — and tactfully play their own 
game. 

No more can they say, feed THEIR 
stomachs 

Without saying, feed HERS the same. 
So together we eat and fill "tummicks," 

BOTH playing the identical game. 

Long life to the club, Aberdeen 

That feed women so cheerful, by gum \ 

lyong life to Mr. Pork and Miss Bean, 
While wifie and hubby are one. 



149 



Catching a Morning Train 

Did 3'ou ever rise at three to catch a 

morning train? 
If you have, I'll bet a dime you won't do 

so again — 
Did you hear the dread alarm whang at 

three, beneath your bed — 
That is you thought 'twas three, but two 

fifteen instead. 
Did you repose again to sleep, try to 

sleep with one eye open? 
Did you doze a dozen times and wake 

scared stiff or frozen? 
When at last the time had past and start- 
ing from a doze 
You leaped from bed, clear across the 

room and nearly broke your nose 
Against the dog-gone, blasted gas jet, 

sticking from the wall? 
Then did you pick up all your clothes 

and steal into the hall 
So as not to wake your wife and in the 

"spare room" go to dress? 
Were you only half awake, with one eye 

open ; no or yes? 



150 S, 



ar/snffes 



Did you get one pant leg on or was it the 

wrong sock 
Did you pinch yourself to get awake, then 

look square at the clock? 
And saw your dumfounded alarm was half 

an hour late? 
Did you storm and fuss and fume and 

say, "that's just my fate," 
Did you have but one shoe on, the other 

need a lace, 
Did 30U squirm and sweats fret and blow, 

and make a dreadful face? 
Then did you get one shirt arm on and 

try to get the other 
Then all at once your shirt you tore and 

had to get another? 
The time was flying fast away and 

likewise your train 
Was flying toward your depot, and you 

almost insane? 
Then did you get a collar button and try 

to put it on, 
When, thunderation ! Carrie Nation ! you 

found that it was gone. 
Then after scrambling on the floor and 

under the dresser too. 
Did you knock your head, bruise your 

shin and step upon a screw? 



(Batching a ^Corning CTrain 151 

Did you at last forsake the hunt and de- 
cide to get one more, 

When — hang the gas! it went out — you 
bumped against the door. 

At last all dressed— you thought you were 
-but no brush had touched your pate, 

You ran half way, till out of breath, and 
found the train was late. 

Did you — well we won't try to mention 
here what you thought and said — 

Decide the next three o'clock would find 
you snug in bed. 



152 



*nusuffes 



The Talkative Woman 



Do you know the talkative woman ; the woman 

who talks and talks? 
The talkative kind of a woman — she talks, and 

she talks and she talks. 

The woman who talks is a talkative woman and 

a woman talker still talks. 
The woman who talks and continues to talk, is 

a talkative woman — she talks. 

The talkative kind of a talkative woman, is a 
woman who talks while talking. 

A talking talker, is a woman who talks, and 
talks while talking and talking. 

A talking talkative kind of a talking woman 

who talks. 
Is a woman who's talkative about all she talks 

and then continues her talks. 

This talking, talkative talks talking woman, is a 
woman who talks talking talks, 

And a talking talkative, talker woman, is the 
same as another who talks. 



3^/te talkative Ti^o/na/t 15 J 

So talking or talker; talkative or talks', she's a 
woman who talks talking talks , 

And a talker, talkative talker is a woman who 
talks, talks, talks and talks. 

A talking kind of a talkative woman is a talka- 
tive woman who talks. 

And a talkative kind of a talking woman, is a 
talking talker who talks. 

A talker kind of a talking woman, is a talkative 

woman who talks. 
And a talkative talker woman is a talkative 

talker who talks. , 

A talking, talker, talkative woman, is a talka- 
tive talker who talks, 

And a talkative, talker, talking woman is the 
woman who talks and talks and talks. 



We get out of the world as much as 
we put in it and more — what's your 
share? 



yausages 



154 

The Way to Fight Mosquitoes 



The way to fight mosquitoes? huh, that's easy, 

Uncle Ned ; 
Just hit 'em on the cranium till they are dead, 

dead, dead. 

Poison them, drown 'em, soak 'em in the eye or 

on the head ; 
Any way to fight 'em so they are dead, dead, 

dead. 

Of course the purple martins they say on them 

are fed. 
But the way to fight mosquitoes, is to kill 'em 

dead, dead. 

Don't cork'm in the stom-jack or swat'eminthe 

bed 
Unless you hit'em hard enough to kill em dead, 

dead. 

A mosquito has a dozen lives (some twenty- 
four 'tis said) 

But I guess its nearer fifty when they are not 
dead, dead. 

A dead mosquito, half alive, will pester any 

head 
Thats' short of hair, unless he's sure 'nough, 

dead dead, dead. 

So go at 'em with pitchfork, gatling gun or lead. 
Only you be sure that they are dead, dead, 
dead. 



155 

A Skunk Uses Violence-A MAN 
Never. 



A Skylark's Ode To The Ford 

Where are you going my happy man? 
"I'm going to buy a car," said Ham ; 
So the son of Ham and Ham himself, 
And Ham's son's Ham and Ham's 
young elf. 
Ham's Cousin Kate and Uncle McCord ; 
In fact, the whole Ham family bought 
a Ford. 



Yon cannot afford to make enemies — 
the devil sends plenty without your aid. 



iOb Sausages 

Ode To a Powder Rag 



"To be or not to be," is never said to a powder 

rag; 
It's sure "to be" my lady says, so sticks it in 

her bag. 

* * * * 

"O you dear thing, you powder rag, rag of long 

ago; 
The older we are, the longer the years, the more 

our love doth grow." 

"I cherish you, my powder rag, rag of many 
climes ; 

To date, I've used you day and night, two thou- 
sand million times." 

"I could not live apart from thee, my love for 

thee doth burn, 
I'll part with many other friends — you're used 

at every turn." 

"I use you early, I use you late, my tootsy pow- 
der puff, 

I use you on a railway train, I keep you in a 
muff. 

*'No harm shall ever come to you, on hillside, 

dell or plain. 
If I'm too hot I use you much, too cold, I do the 



157 

"Day in, day out, in cold or heat, you stay 

close to my side, 
And spur me on to powder up, to rival any 

bride." 

"Apart from thee I could not live, may our 

parting never be ! 
I'll sing with operatic style, and rag-time, rag, 

to thee." 



You believe in me, I believe in you 
and all believe in God means the salva- 
tion of the world. 



If ye seek ye shall find — argul 
put on your specs. 



loo 0«//.v,'///t'.v 

Remaking Myself 

The psychologists say we can be made over — in 
temperment. 

They say we now can be made over. 

Is that from head to toe? 
If this be the real meaning, 

Here's what I want, by joe. 

I want the freckles on my skin 

Removed and beauty spots instead ; 

(For luck give me a mole or two) 
Then please a whole new head. 

Put in that head more brains you bet ; 

And don't forget the common sense; 
Then make my daily earning power 

Worth more than thirty cents. 
And while you're doing up the job 

Give me a disposition new. 
And sprinkle round some patience mild 

And make me Irish instead of Jew. 

Remove my nose which is to large, 
And make my teeth look straight ; 

And make my ears more like a man 
Not a jackasses mate. 

And don't forget that mouth of mine. 

It really is too large 
And says too much the whole day long — 

And then this bill please charge. 

When you've got me made over 

And I am not myself ; 
Just send the bill to whom I was 

And keep the change yourself. 



159 



Easter 



We should think today of the Eastertide ; 

Of Christ and the Easter Morn; 
Of the sepulchre there wide open ; 

Of the joy that Christ was born. 



We should think of life eternal ; 

Of love and grace and "Acts — 
But nay, the question eternal : 

What about our Easter hats? 



» ) 



Love is the mainspring of all that 
is godly — therefore get love. 



I have been a sucker — were 
you ever caught? 



160 Sausaffes 

Determinnayshun 



I'll plan my work, I'll follow it, 

For I' m on victory bent ; 
For all the strength and will I need 

The gods to me hath lent. 

I know there' s something I can do 
In this great world I'm in ; 

The gods give me desire to do ; 
That desire has ever been. 

I see around me many men 
Who work with skillful hand ; 

And I affirm God means I to 
Can do what others can. 

Of course there's something I can do 

And be at it expert ; 
I'll find that work and follow it 

If I have to tear my shirt. 



To love me because I love you 
is well, but to love me if I don't 
love you is great — 'tis divine. 



